Practice: This morning

This morning, in AUM, I heard a couple notes as though played by an instrument.  Also heard the words, "Heavenly Father" - my mind at that moment had drifted and was thinking of some TV show i had been seeing lately about hauntings.   Maybe this was my way of getting back to a God focused frame of mind.

I'm finding holding my arms up to be difficult.  I need elbow rests. 

Practice: Today's AUM and Meditation

Today:
This morning I struggled
Then I practiced
     Energy Exercises
     Pranayam
     AUM
          AUM - so far didn't hear much.  Heard a rumble from the ears.  Then a soft sizzle.  I felt my pulse in the ears.
    Meditation

I went out with the family.  I was relaxed, but then throughout the day, I started getting frustrated.  My frustration started at lunchtime when I wasn't finding something appropriate to eat.  Then I was frustrated by a family of people that took my table at lunch.  Finally, when we left the parking lot, we had to wait 20min to get out of there due to some problem in the parking lot.  When I finally got to the point of leaving, I got frustrated and vented out in anger.

Later in the evening I did:
EE
P
AUM
Meditation

In inner communion, Romans 8:28 came to mind.

All things work together for good...

In meditation tonight, this old Bible verse came to my mind:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I interpret it as meaning all things ultimately are good.  Even events that appear or are interpreted as bad - are opportunities for us to overcome them.  All problems are opportunities.  From the Eastern paths, karma is simply action.  Every action has a reaction.  Every situation we have, are paths to greatness.  Each person is more then their body.  Their life essence is a eternal thing born again and again.  It's not about a simple life and death and eternity after.  It's always eternal.  The lessons we need to go through are repeated again and again. If we overcome the problem, it doesn't need to be repeated.

All things then, are to our benefit.  It may not seem like it, but keep in mind that what we experience in this life is as a dream to our true self. 

in Meditation Today: two realizations

In meditation today, I meditated on Paramhansa Yogananda... and in this meditation he gave me two realizations:

a) FIRST: during my meditation (and through my days) my mind plays out dramas or daydreams, that are of negative consequences to issues I face in my life.  Like worst possible outcomes.  It brings on anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, mistrust and the like.  What I felt in my heart, was that I need to stop these negative feelings because I bring the very things I'm not wanting, into my life.  The way to do this, is when a fear or anxiety arises within the mind - to great it with,  "If this is God's will, I will be ready for it."  Not to dwell on the situation, or avoid it.  To simply turn it over to God - which is what my Mother used to always tell me about problems in my life.  Now I see she was right.

b) SECOND: to stop playing the role of victim.  Many times, my mind plays out dramas where I imagine myself going in to work, or talking with a family member or friend - and being a victim - like "Friend: How was your weekend?" and I respond, "OH... let me tell you about it... I worked all weekend..."  Not only do I play this out in my mind, but I act it out in real life.  I constantly do this, so that I get sympathy or attention.  I need to stop playing the victim.  The trick here is not to be too happy nor depressed about any situation that was negative.  But to be neutral.  To say "I handled it." and say it with peace is best.  To not go into details, or lead people to dig with questions to find some problem.  But to be honest, and neutral.

Spiritual Progress

Signs of Spiritual Progress:

The basis of all true progress is right attitude.  If you are becoming more kind, more self-giving, more calm, you may be sure that you are progressing whether you see visions or not.  If you are succeeding in relinquishing your likes and dislikes, and are learning to accept even-mindedly whatever experiences life sends you, then you have much cause for rejoicing.  If you find that you have fewer and fewer desires for things of this world, know that youa re truly finding freedom.  And more important still, if your love for God is growing ever deeper, know that you are fast approaching Him.  And if through all the trails of life you always feel joy inwardly,  a joy that nothing can shake, know that you have Him already to a wonderful degree.

From "The Art and Science of Raja Yoga."

The Three Gunas

There are three gunas: Sattwic, Rajasic and Tamasic.

Swami Kriyananda, in The Art and Science of Raja Yoga, gives an example of these as:
Sattwic is Spiritual and like forward moving in a car.
Rajasic is an Activating force but it neither moves one forward or backwards. It is like neutral in a car
Tamasic is a pull away from God

Under the influence of this guna [Rajas] the mind seeks diversity rather than definite direction.  In this attachment to diversity it may drift toward a greater affinity for things and people, and thus toward that sense of underlying unity with them which is sattwic; or it may drift more and more toward a sense of distinctions, of rivalry and oppositions, and thus sink gradually into the spiritual chaos of tamas.  Raja guna gives objectifying power to both sattwa and tamas.  For tamasic people, it represents the necessary steppingstone to sattwa guna; for sattwic people, it represents the first pull away from spiritual reality, carrying them into worldly involvements that in themselves are more or less neutral, but that can also develop into that kind of ardent dedication to self-gratification which is the main entrance, so to speak, to the outward-moving stream of tamo guna.

Further along in the reading we see the three guna's also have small versions of the other guna's within themselves - much like the concept of spiritual elements in the West and East... like Air of Earth, or Earth of Water and so on... the text reads:

In sattwa, as I have said, there is also a touch of rajas and tamas, and in tamas there is a touch of rajas and sattwa.  In rajas, too, the other two gunas are present.  All things, I said, are a mixture of the three gunas.  It is the predominance of one guna or another that defines a thing as basically sattwic, rajasic, or tamasic.

Quotes from The Art and Science of Raja Yoga, by Swami Kriyananda.

The Divine Ocean

The closer one's consciousness is to the divine ocean, the more he senses the inner unity of all things, and the more naturally therefore he lives at peace with the universe.  The more one's mind is drawn to the ceaseless play of duality, the more he beholds everything in conflict with everything else, and consequently the less harmony he finds in himself and in others.  Low waves, close to the ocean bosom, are more suggestive of the calm ocean depths than tall waves crashing together in a storm.  The consciousness of humble, spiritual people is still a part of universal duality, but the love and joy they express is a self-giving love, a joy not in specific things, but in the Self.  The more, however, one concentrates on the storm of duality, the more the divine quality of love becomes broken up into numberless desires and attachments, and joy into a host of petty enthusiasms.  Where the waves rise high, their corresponding troughs are deeper by that much.  Where love is broken up into many worldly desires, it wil manifest as antipathies: Likes are inevitably balanced by dislikes. If one's likes are intense, one's dislikes will be intense also. 

From The Art and Science of Raja Yoga by Swami Kriyananda

Anger

Today I lost my temper.  Actually for the last two weeks, I've been seething in anger.  But today I vented on my wife.

For the past month, my entire team quit at work (my manager, co-workers, etc.)  It's put me has holding a huge burden... and the workload went sky high.

The result was I was not meditating, not doing yoga... and just trying to repress this frustration.  I just thought, "it's only one more day" or "one more week... just keep it together and then you can go back to a spiritual life."

But today it finally came out.  I was driving back from a Dr. appointment for our son, and my wife asked me a question.  I answered her, and she didn't like my answer so she asked again, and then i got frustrated and said something mean.  She got angry, which got me angry... and then she wasn't talking to me.

My flaw here is for a variety of reasons:
First, I should never have stopped the spiritual work.  Instead I should have increased it.But working to midnight, and getting up early, I didn't know how to fit it in.  I should have made time.
Second, I forgot that the only reason I work, is to support my wife.  What good is it to do a good job if I loose what I'm working for (my wife, and family)?
Third, I need to be more in tune with my states of mind.  The moment I started dipping down, I should have stopped and said "ok you're getting frustrated... calm down." - Meditating more should help with that.

I apologized to her today... but I don't think she has accepted my apology yet.

To question a teacher, Master or Path

Is it right to question a teacher?

I think this is an appropriate question.  It's the core of what it means to be a Disciple.  Many would think that being a Disciple means giving up total control to the Master... While others want to remain an individual and question everything - and never doing anything. 

But what's right?

What has sparked this post of mine, is a reoccurring theme in the followers of  a certain teacher, who have come here to post comments on my posts.  I don't mind the comments.  I welcome all feelings and thoughts.  But the comments generally have a feeling of an idea of not questioning or even trying to reason their teacher's actions.

One such Disciple of a modern day teacher, posted whats below.  He was commenting on a post I wrote about how a certain teacher appeared to have some questionable characteristics.  Money, was one thing that concerned me and another item was some teachings I witnessed him say that were a bit unorthodox. To my questioning nature, this person commented:

In my search for my Guru, I was willing to give up everything to find him or her. The fact that you are even taking so many things into account may show you are not yet ready to find your Guru. There is a madness about someone when they are really looking for their Guru. Nothing else matters. You would die just to get a glimpse of their face, to hear their voice, to touch their feet. It was Ram Gopal who said in Yogananda's book, "As soon as the devotee is willing to go even to the ends of the earth for spiritual enlightenment, his guru appears near-by."

If you have this kind of madness, your will find your Master. I promise you from my own personal experience brother.

The key thing here that worried me was his reference and description to 'madness.'    He then quotes Yogananda's book.  But the quote doesn't speak to this same 'madness' he describes himself being affected by.  It's one thing to be ready to go anywhere to find a Master (as Yogananda quotes.)  It's quite another, to give up one's free will and embrace madness - Madness is just that: it's forfeiting one's will.  That's what madness is.

Perhaps it was a poor choice of words by the commenter, but it's an interesting comment.  Is it ever right to question a Master?  Today another follower of the same living teacher (a proclaimed living Guru of our age) I was talking about, posted on another old article of mine... and again they expected me to accept their Master as mine, not to question his actions no matter what.  They stated that the Masters can not be reasoned or questioned. Which sparked this question.  Is it right, to look at a self proclaimed Guru and say "Ah, it's suspicious these actions - but he says he's a Guru, so I shall not look deeper.  I will just let what ever happens, happen"?

First, i believe before someone is your Master (and you the Disciple) you will have to question them.  What separates their teaching from someone dangerous?  Or someone wanting your money?  After all, if you didn't question the first person you came upon, you might fall into the hands of a Jim Jones - or a David Karesh.

When I took the Discipleship Course for Yogananda via Ananda - from teacher Nyaswami Pranaba, I asked him this very question.  He gave me this Great advice:

There's an important distinction between "constructive doubt" and "negative doubt" (which ties into rebelliousness). Constructive doubt allows us the ability to not just jump into something with blind belief but rather gives the opportunity to explore what the truth or essence of things are. This is very important for a devotee in order to integrate spiritual teachings rather than just accepting dogmas with a deeper understanding and experience....

and he also added, regarding Loyalty:

As I wrote earlier regarding "constructive doubt" - loyalty also has the need for common sense. Our role is to keep open to God and guru but be able to make it our own experience.

I agree with this.  I think he answered it well. There are stories of people abusing others financially, sexually, or just making slaves to fulfill their hungry ego. 

When I was in a member of a modern day "sci-fi" religion, I experienced this financial abuse first-hand.  I was called upon to give up thousands of dollars.  At times even forced to give up money - yelled at, and had demands put upon me.

We have to have constructive doubt, at least enough to reason this out and ask: "Is this the actions of a Guru... a Master... a True Religion?"

Conclusion:
To question everything to the point of rebellion - is NOT the way of a Disciple.  But to except what's taught or told, as dogma, indoctrination and to see it as "superior" to the path of others without reason... is equally wrong. The balance here, is to follow the Master in things we know to be true.  If a Teacher or Master asks us to do something we know to be false... that's cause for attention.

Which is why, Madness, IMO is not the way to a teacher - nor to God.

The Ego and the Spiritual Path(s)

The ego, is simply the "self" identified with the body.  That is, your eternal true self (that which is non physical - the soul - the spiritual essence of you) identified as your physical form.  Nothing more... nothing less.

When this identification happens, the individual thinks of their world as part of their body experience.  Their surroundings, their personal experiences, and so on.  This is what egocentric really is.  It's seeing the world in relationship to their limited perspective.

This perspective is limited, because it is not from a large enough perspective.  When looking at "truth" from the perspective of the physical body or even mental state one associates to their body being, then truth becomes skewed.  Truth then only accepts what has occurred for this person.  Not for the larger person/perspective.

Thus, if a person has a spiritual experience as a Muslim - they say, "This was a real experience for me" (and so it was) "therefore it's reality for all."  The Christian likewise would say, "I felt the presence of God" (and so they did) "therefore this path is the only path to God."  It breaks down further to "I go to this Christian church that really inspires me, therefore it must be more inspirational then these other Christian churches."

That's all ego.

Ego is beyond religion. Ego also says, "I harmonize with the democratic political party, therefore that's the only intelligent way of solving our problems."  That's ego.

Where this is at fault, is if we simply expanded our vision, beyond the body, we would see that all these paths are fine.  There is no need to convert anyone.  Simply to ask others to find God in their own way would suffice.

Fear, stress, desire... all this is ego.  If one is not identified with the body, there is no fear.  There is no stress.  There is no desire (apart from the desire of God.)

In the East this identification with the body is often referred to as part of Maya (or Delusion.) 

Handling the Ego
A way of handling the ego is to (ironically) withdraw into the self.  That seems odd right?  If the ego is identification with the body, then why withdraw into the body?  Because, withdrawing into the self, is not withdrawing into the body.

The self is not the Body.  What is external to you, is actually part of your ego identification.  The Buddhists say, "Emptiness is Form and Form is Emptiness" which really means everything is a product of your karma and your point of reference.  If you look at the president you see a savior, and someone else see's a villain. 

Our external world, IS our identification with the body.  It IS the Ego expression itself.  For we do not see the "true" world, but only the world as our karma paints it to be. 

By going inward, we tap into a greater reality, that is our true nature.  It's larger in scope then this body.  Through this inward walk we commune with God. 

This inward journey is through meditation.  That doesn't mean there's only an eastern way of finding God.  Meditation is neither eastern nor western.  It's a tool to achieve this inward communion.

To be balanced, means to not be overly excited, nor stressed.  To not run around with extreme giddiness nor to be morose or fearful.  When we center, inwardly, we find peace. 

Let go of the potential outcomes.  Do your duty (job, as a spouse, as a employee, as a employer, as a human being) but if you succeed or fail, realize it's ok either way.  It's not apathy.  Apathy doesn't try.  Love the effort, but don't attach to the outcome.  All outcomes are from God.  All outcomes teach something, deeper then the ego can recognize. 

Awake and Ready

When Master Paramhansa Yogananda would come onto a stage to address an audience, he would often ask something like "How is everyone?"  The audience would reply loudly and crisply, "Awake and Ready!"

While the response would help wake up a audience, I also think there's a deeper meaning to the phrase Awake and Ready.

Awake and Ready is a state we should strive to be in every moment.  It is the state of present awareness.  That is to say, present awareness of God.

In meditation today, it started to make sense to me.  God is here now.  He isn't coming at some future point.  He is here, right now, in my life - in your life - in the lives of all of humanity (those we love and those we don't.)  He is here, Now.

To be Awake and Ready - isn't a future statement, it's a Now statement.  That I am awake and ready to be attuned to God right now.

In practical terms, this means that even though I may go through a tough time, difficult situation - I will not fall into the delusion of past or future thinking.  I wont fall into the delusion of "stress" and "fear" but will be Awake and Ready to God.

Take for example my job recently.  With short staff and higher work load, it's easy to fall into fear and stress and think "Man, why do they make so many demands of me?!"  or "I just need to get this done... i keep getting distracted... if i dont get this done, it will be bad..."

Instead of that mentality, if I were Awake and Ready - I would simply do the job at hand, as it changes, as it evolves, but would not have fear or stress.  I would be Awake and Ready to God's presence, which is already here, right now.

This returns to the last post in this blog on Nishkam Karma - or, "Desireless Action."  When we are Awake and Ready, we have Desireless action.  That doesn't mean we have no desires, but that our desires are in harmony with the Divine (or you could think of it as terms of your highest true will - or in tune with the Universe.)  The point being, it's not desires of the external world that will help us - but it's the inner desires of God prompting us right now, that will be our salvation.  It's the road out of bondage.  Having a new computer, new car, new wife, new husband, new toy will not bring lasting joy - but being in tune with the Divine and the desires of God, will certainly bring joy and harmony and be the bridge to freedom that we all seek (wether we know it or not.)

Desireless Action (Nishkam Karma)

I was reading "The Essence of Self-Realization" today at lunch and came across this great passage on page 99.

The question is posed, that desires lead to desires... like waves and ripples on the ocean... and if we must return for each desire to be fulfilled, it seems a endless task that we can never escape from.

Master though responds with this hope:
"What is it that causes the waves to rise and fall in the first place?  It's the wind.  Without wind, the surface grows calm automatically.  Similarly, when the storm of delusion abates in the mind, the waves of action and reaction subside automatically.
So what you must do is still the waves of your mind by deep meditation, and then, in meditation, rid yourself of consciousness of ego-involvement.  Once you cease seeing yourself as the causative agent, the waves of delusion may continue to rise and fall outwardly, but you yourself will no longer be affected by them."

Then on page 100, he continues:
"What it [Bhagavad Gita] recommends is nishkam karma: desireless action, that is, action without desire for the fruits of action.  If you act thus, you will gradually attain freedom from the bondage of karma."

I really liked reading that.  That page goes on with more advice, on seeing God as the doer, and other techniques. 

Discipleship Initiation today

Today was a very special day for me.  Today at about 12:30pm, I was given Discipleship Initiation at Ananda L.A.

Discipleship Initiation in this case, is a decision to follow Paramhansa Yogananda as a guru.   The reason to have a guru, is to have a spiritual guide, to guide one through the pitfalls of life.  Each of us has our own pitfalls, addictions, problems, frustrations, buttons that get pushed, etc.  As much as we can try and believe we know our own mind and problems, it's just unlikely we know each of our problems.  Nor do we know each of our paths to our greatest good.

The guru is a spiritual teacher, the disciple attunes to.  By attuning to the guru the student learns how to live best, and how to grow best.  What pitfalls to avoid and what secret paths to follow. 

All this for one purpose... for the student to become the guru.  That is to say, to become united and yoked with God/The Divine. 

I could have done the discipleship initiation by myself - but I really felt I wanted to be in the presence of other devotee's.  At the advice of my Discipleship teacher, I reached out to the local Ananda location (www.anandala.org)

The day went well.  I got up early.  I planned to call my daughter, but ran out of time.  I took a shower and got dressed in all white.  I got my rose and donation ready and then it was time to go.  It was raining, but I got there early.  I met several people and had a brief talk with Dharmaraj. 

The pre-service was chanting - which was so amazingly peaceful. I've seen the chanting remotely online, but being there was so different.  The peace of God just flowed so powerfully.  In that space between chants, the air just was filled with a peace almost tangible. 

The service was a talk from Dharmaraj on Karma and Reincarnation.  It was a great talk.

Towards the end of the service is the Festival of Lights ceremony and then at the end - the Discipleship Initiation occurred.

It involved a brief talk about it - then a reading - in this case, the reading was God's Boatman.  After the reading the initiation itself.  It was very nice. 

Afterwards there was a lunch, and I talked a bit with Dharmaraj.  I was very much at peace. 

One might ask, "Isn't this blog called 'Finding my Guru'?  Nlow what? you found him."  True, I did find my guru, but I'm still digging deeper to find him inside.  To find my guru in my thoughts.  To build the attunement stronger and deeper - to see God's hand in all things.  There's still finding the guru... It's discovering deeper connections with the guru.

Do you want me to worship my mistakes?

http://www.anandala.org/mp3/2011-11-13sunday_shivani.mp3

The title for this post comes from a quote that I heard in the link above.  The link at the top of this blog post is from Ananda LA. The speaker was quoting someone who after leaving her spiritual path, returned and some other devotee's where upset about this person returning again.  Similar to the Prodigal Son story of the New Testament.

The woman said to those upset by her return to the spiritual path: "Do you want me to worship my mistakes?"

I really liked this comment. It brought some ideas to my mind:

First, it's never too late to return to the spiritual path. As long as you can think thought, you can return.  Don't loose heart. Don't feel you've 'done too much wrong.'  Don't also obsess about "but which path is right?"  Just seek God and it will work out.

Second, those of us on the spiritual path, shouldn't look down on others who have made mistakes.  Some reasons to avoid this are:
a)  Even the mere thought of frustration with someone who left and wants to return - we are mentally creating a division.  We are saying "They are not me... I'm doing what's right.  They failed."  That division is Ego.  Ego is the identification with the Body.  The more we loose the body and think in terms of consciousness, we see ourselves as ONE with each other.
b) Also - by pushing others out, thinking "who are they to think they can come back" we are forcing them to worship their mistakes.

Gratitude for Everything

I'm thankful for everything.

I meet people from time to time, who remind me of who I used to be.  People that assume I should be upset with some spiritual paths that I took in the past, that seemingly were fake paths (this usually comes up with the subject of Scientology.)

I used to be upset with certain situations in my life and regret them. For me I didn't normally regret my spiritual decisions. But I mostly regretted things in my past - a divorce situation, family situations, work situations, etc. 

But I realize now, that everything got me to where I am now.  Where we are now, is important, because it's from this moment that you find God.  It's not "well if i take a class/course in the future I'll find God."  It's not "if I only did different decisions in the past, then I would have been at peace with God."  That future and past thinking is only going to create stagnation.

The only thing you can say, is that everything that happened to you (good and bad) got you to this point, this present moment - and this moment is defined by you - right now, right here, you can find God.  You can start the path.

Be happy for everything.  Never feel animosity over the past.  Don't feel that you "could have done things better."  Don't obsess on the past, nor on some future point of reference of "well some day I'll make changes..."

Be happy. You can find God now.

If you want to find a path to help with this - it's probably right in front of you.  If you can't see it, then open your heart in prayer and ask for help from God.

A job may seem difficult... a partner may seem frustrating... But all of these things are here to help you. To help you find your ultimate potential.  In the moment, it's often too hard to see any upside, but there is an upside.  We can find God through trials.  Without trials, there would be very little push for us to improve.

Imagine a smith trying to make a sword from a block of iron.  If the block just sat on a table with no resistance it would never change.  It requires the melting of the iron, then later the shaping, sharpening, hammering and then thrust into an ice bath.  If one were that block of iron, one would think that they are going through hell.  But in the end, it is becoming the perfect image of the sword.

Similarly, we go through trials (loss of work, loss of spouses, angry people, desires, etc.) and we do that so we can become closer to God.  It's our reason for being here... to overcome.

So let's have gratitude for today.

Racism and Judging Others

The other day, I was confiding in a friend of mine about some situation I was going through with some people.

To my surprise, he responded with a racist comment.  Not something said lightly and not said in jest.  But with a matter of fact attitude that "Hate to say it but that's what you get from __________"

It hit me. 

I realized a few things in that moment.

I realized how different I was from this friend of mine.  I was so far different from him.  There's no way I would ever bring something down to race. 

Looking at my friend's life, I began to realize why all these bad things happen to him.  Many times he has said to me, "Why did [some person] judge me when I worked at [some job]?"

Many people have judged him.  In fact he's one of the most judged persons I know. 

But now I get it. 

Life isn't just a random act.  Life is a spiritual classroom.  It's a constant experiment. 

Every action we do, does return to us in some way - usually delayed with time. 

But if you look at his life of being judged by his employers, employees, co-workers, friends, enemies... Then see the fact he has judged so many people - by their work, by their race, by some insignificant trait...

there's the equation... which, incidentally is spoken in the Bible, "Judge not, lest you be judged." 

If you find yourself being judged often... Stop complaining.  Start looking into your own life.  Do you judge others (mentally, or openly)? 

The only way out, is through change.  Inner change.

Attunement and the Guru

In the last chapter of the Discipleship Course at www.anandaonlineclasses.org, there's some really good references to what attunement to the Guru and the Divine Ray is all about.

As I interpret the writing, the idea here, is that God sends many Divine Ray's through the Universe.  As people find a ray they are called to, and they attune to the ray - they will grow in the attributes of that Divine Ray.  They will gain Love, Kindness, Inner Radiance, Peace, etc.

Regarding attunement itself, there are different levels - which have a different return to us.  I'll quote the material here:

"-For one, that those who serve this work selflessly are those also who gain the most from

it;

- That those, again, who try to share with others the light they receive gain more,

spiritually, than those who keep it to themselves. (As Paramhansa Yogananda said, “The

instrument is blessed by that which flows through it.”);

- That they gain the most who seek attunement with others more advanced than they

themselves are on the path;

- And that they gain the most, finally, who realize that soul-attunement with this path is

more important even than long hours spent in meditation, without the companion effort to

establish such inner attunement."

An important aspect of the Divine Ray is service.  By service our attunement grows deeper and stronger.  How do we serve?

We serve through becoming transmission stations of the Divine Ray.

What does that mean?
That means, we radiate conscoiusness (of the blessings we have recieved) to all existence (people, plants, animals, the world around us.)

Also - spend time with other people in attunement.  As the chapter states:

For yourself, too, if you want to be more in tune with the ray that is shining through this

work of Self-Realization, seek out those who are already in tune with it. I have seen over

the years that those who sought their attunement with Yogananda, but who didn’t also

recognize the need for personal contact with living instruments of his ray, have not

received nearly as much.

If you doubt, the text says to test this by doing the following:

Those who live in tune with the divine ray will manifest

in their lives increased love, harmony, and joy. More especially, they will radiate those

particular qualities which belong to that ray. But those who work against the ray will

manifest in their lives a growing disharmony, and diminution of love.

Regarding which Guru...

Lately, I've been looking at some books by Swami Kriyananda on Amazon.com.  Several times I have come across individuals who evidently have made it their life's purpose to slander or discredit Kriyananda in their reviews (or in comments to positive reviews.)  Their comments are not about the books in question, but point to slander websites or state incorrect information about Kriyananda and Ananda.

The individuals I'm referring to, represent SRF (as they state in their posts), as either students of SRF or otherwise.  I realize delusion and mistakes of individuals do not represent the whole of an organization...So I can't say "SRF wrote that" but rather, people who are attached to SRF wrote that.

One individual reports that Kriyananda set himself up as the new Guru, after Yogananda passed.  To clarify this, I was reading in Swami Kriyananda's book on Discipleship quite the opposite.  Swami Kriyananda put in writing his point that he asks people to see him only as a channel for Yogananda - not as the substitute for Yogananda. 

I don't normally belabor points like this... and I ended up replying to these negative comments on Amazon.  I really shouldn't get drawn into it.  That was my mistake.  But for those who are earnestly seeking, I offer the quote below from Swami Kriyananda's book on Discipleship, which explains clearly how he feels about his relationship - not as a Guru - but as a channel for the Guru (Yogananda.)

Several people have told me, or have written to say, that, as I feel toward Master, so they
feel toward me. I had a dream last night which may help to clarify that thought. I won’t
relate the dream itself, as it was personal, but I took it as a warning from Master to pass
on to all of you.

The essential difference between attunement with Master and attunement with me is that
Master lives eternally in cosmic consciousness, whereas I am still struggling to reach that
state. What he channels to us is the Infinite Lord Himself. What I am able to channel to
you is whatever I have succeeded so far in experiencing within myself of Master’s
consciousness. That I feel his bliss is a cause of deep gratitude for myself. But I feel it is
very important for everyone to realize that whatever I have to give anyone is not, and
must never become, personal. To the extent that anyone takes it as such it can be binding
not only for that person, but also, potentially, for me.

Therefore I plead with you—for my own sake quite as much as for yours: “See me only
as a channel for our Guru.” I try my best to serve you in that capacity, and am grateful if,
to any extent, I succeed in that effort. If, however, I seem to be for some of you—if only
by default!—the best instrument you’ve found during your search, please always
remember for what, and for whom, this instrument lives. I have no other desire than to
bring you closer to God by bringing you into deeper spiritual attunement with my Guru.
He is our actual, ever-living channel to God.

Steve Jobs Speaking about Life and Death

Steve Jobs said this speech, while addressing Stanford in 2005... it's quite amazing and speaks directly to the spiritual role we all have:

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart…
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Realization of late

Lately, I've found my mind drifting into negativity.  We all have seen the protests going on.  Whether you support the protesters or find them frustrating - whether you are angry with the police involved or not... it stirs emotions.

For me it has stirred emotions.  I recently took down several posts I had made.  Some about Yogiraj and some about the Occupy movement.

The reason I took my opinion down, was due to my personal path.  I was reminded of my spiritual path, when I listened to a lecture by Swami Kriyananda titled "Blessings of Discipleship."

In this short lecture, he basically said:
Don't compare with others.  Everyone has their own path.  Everyone  has their own problems and their own germ of consciousness, which they have to work with life's experiences.

Meaning: I shouldn't be spending time mentally consuming negativity about protests, or about various people I may or may not agree with. After all, each has their own path.  Each has their own problems, and their own consciousness that needs to work out their problems in their own way.

Today's mistake

Over the past few days, I haven't been meditating.  Today, as a result, I made a mistake. 

I need to stay focused.  The problem is, like with medicine, when things are normal - I often think "Oh I can skip today. I'm fine."  Only to end up a few days later with a problem.

The reality for me is, I need to meditate daily.  I need to be in conversation with similar spiritual people, daily.  I need to study spiritual material daily.  When tempted, I need to use the techniques taught: affirmation, hong-sau, lifting consciousness, etc. to achieve a higher state of mind.

Attune: Finding Unity with Others

Today, I had a spiritual experience at work.

I had a conversation with someone at work.  In conversation, I found I was judging them. 

At some point in the afternoon, I took a walk outside in the cold air.  Few people were walking around, so I took a seat somewhere secluded.

I sat and meditated on Yogananda.  I came to realize in this state, that the person I was juding came to my mind and I felt this thought: Do you realize you are one with this person?  What do you get by judging him?

I realized that judging this other person, was solidifing my eronious belief that I am seperate from others.  It divides one from another.  This division makes the ego feel "superior" and "better" than the other. 


On a gross level, I realized that I and this fellow shared similar desires, issues with the ego, frustrations, fears and so forth.  In that regard, we were the same.

In a more refined way, I contemplated that my spirit is not my body.  My consciousness is not just in the body.  If the expansion of my consciousness is infinite, then that of other people - including this person I judged, is also infinate in expansion.  As such, at some point, our consciousness' would be one.

I felt better connected to this person and others around me and went back to work feeling much better in general.

Help From God (littlegiftsofgod.wordpress.com)

Here's a wonderful, uplifting article on Help From God:
http://littlegiftsofgod.wordpress.com/2011/09/02/is-it-important-for-us-to-ask-for-help-from-god/#comment-13

Daily Inspiration from Ananda

 From Ananda.org

Daily Inspiration
October 24, 2011

Stand by whatever lessons you’ve learned from life.
People may urge you to see things their way, but the only truth you can ever really know is one you’ve experienced for yourself.

Change your mind only when new experience obliges you to see things differently.

From Living Wisely, Living Well by Swami Kriyananda

Meditation on Yogananda

After some Yoga postures, I sit in meditation.  In this state I first do measured breathing.  Then I do Hong Sau for some time - I mentally hear "Hong" on the breath inhale and follow each inhale from the nostril to the third eye. As I exhale I hear "Sau" and follow the exhalation from the third eye. After that, I exhale 3 times, to signify the end of Hong Sau.  At this point, I hold the image of a golden circle encasing a blue area at the third eye.  In the center of the blue is a 5 pointed star of light, shinning outwards.  I call Paramhansa Yogananda.  I see his image in the light and focus on his eyes.  As I send messages through the 3rd eye, I listen receptively at the heart center.

More on this can be learned at the online Discipleship Course held by www.anandaonlineclasses.org

Restless Thoughts and Desires

 From A Handbook for Discipleship:

When you allow the mind to become restless with thoughts and desires, then you bring yourself down to a level where God can’t communicate with you.

Highlights from Chapter 2 of A Handbook for Discipleship

Highlights from Chapter 2 of Handbook for Discipleship:

First of all, we need to develop attitudes of humility, of wanting to learn, of being willing
to give up one’s own desires, of giving up one’s normal human tendency to justify
oneself, to insist on being right. Unfortunately it’s all too common for disciples to act as
if the guru were some sort of heavenly slave, always doing them little favors. You find
this sort of person saying, “Oh, Master did this for me, or, Master did that for me.” They
don’t understand what Master is. They reduce Master to the level of a human personality,
when he is so much more.

The first step in becoming a true disciple is to be a proper human being – that means
relinquishing those things that prevent one from attaining the state of consciousness of
the guru.  What is a human being in its improper human state? First of all, it clings to that
state. It says, “I am real. My body is real; my personality is real; my ego is real.”
Secondly, it says, “I am more real than anyone else. If they suffer, I don’t feel it. If I
suffer, however, I do feel it. Therefore I am more real. When I am happy, I feel it. When
other people are happy, I’m happy for them, but in a different way!”

To be a true disciple, we need also to have the attitude of openness to the guru, to be
willing to be corrected at any time.

The guru asks things of us that are not convenient,
and the ego goes through certain tests because of this. Every devotee on the path goes
through the same basic tests, though each one will have his own individual challenges as
well. The first is negativity. Invariably it happens when you first come onto the path that
someone tries to turn you away from it. Someone will say negative things, and you start
to listen. Either you are swayed towards this negativity, or you resist and say no.

You can tell if something is the pull of delusion or not by the kind of consciousness you
develop from it. Does it give you peace? Does it give you joy? Or does it undermine that
peace and joy?

The next test that comes along is a certain rebelliousness. The disciple thinks, “You are
asking too much of me. I am not going to do that much. I’ve got my life to lead, too.” The
disciple doesn’t want to be asked to give up everything because that doesn’t seem fair.
So, in reaction, he rebels.

The third test is the thought, “What the guru is saying may be right for him and for a few
others, but he doesn’t understand me and my needs.”

The most important aspect of being a true disciple and overcoming the tests on the path is
the commitment of loyalty – the commitment of trust.

The true disciple is
always thinking only of how he can serve God and guru more, of what more he can give.
If the devotee starts to think of how he can get more experience or more realization, then
he falls back into delusion. It has to be a constant giving, and in that giving, God can give
us more.

The guru is omnipresent. As true disciples, we
should try to become omnipresent like him.

I would say the important thing is not to go looking for a guru. Look for God. God will
send you what you need at the time that you need it. Our devotion should always be to
God. I remember Yogananda saying to one disciple, “Never mind what happens to me.
Don’t forget God.” God is our common Father. He’s the one we’re looking for.

God is the Guru

From Handbook for Discipleship:

But we must remember that God is the guru – no human being can be a
guru. God is the guru, and he acts through the agency of an enlightened soul. But a true
guru will never take the credit to himself for being a guru.

Need for Discipleship

When I first came to write this blog, I started a twitter account (of the same name) at the same time. It was at that time, someone reached out to me and sent me a private message on Twitter, saying "You are your own guru."  He had a link to his website, which I went to.  He had some great philosophy and some good ideas. His thinking was sound and he had his own interpretation of spiritual doctrines.

However, as time has passed, I've determined that although one is their own guru in time, right now most of us are not.  What I mean is, yes in an eternal sense, we are our own guru.  But at this moment are we?  Right now, my life is about my children, my video games, my art.  If I was truly my own guru would I do all those things? some?

The thing that turns people off the concept of a Guru (and bothered me for some time) is the various abuses of the title "guru" that we've seen.  Similar abuses are from "priests" and "ministers."  It seems people with spiritual credentials sometimes are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Many of us, also are reluctant about the concept of a Guru, because we think it means giving up free will.  Or being "controlled."  Neither is true, when working with a true Guru (at least according to Swami Kriyananda.)

In the book Handbook for Discipleship, the search for a Guru is likened to finding a master artist, to learn from.  Or a master Violinist to teach you the art of the Violin.  It's having someone who knows the pitfalls, see's your inner being and can guide you through that which you must endure, and help show you ways to work your life in the best spiritual way.

Swami Kriyananda writes in Handbook for Discipleship:

Is it still necessary to have a guru? It is not necessary only if you have come into this
incarnation so advanced that you are already your own guru. Remember the purpose of
the guru is to make you your own guru. He’s only there to help and guide you to the point
where you can take over on your own. He isn’t there to continue to keep you as a
disciple. He’s there to make you as great or even greater than he. There is no jealousy in
God. A guru is trying to make you strong enough, wise enough, to be able to tread a
straight path yourself, without any further help on his part.

In the West, we like to do things "on our own."  The idea of having a "guru" seems like having a crutch, or giving up your free will. But neither is true.  It's the ego identification that is being given up.

The goal, is to be our own guru.  Actually the goal, for most spiritual paths, is to return to the Divine and unite with the Divine.  Through a process growth, we can become our own guru, find God, and become one again with the Divine source.

We bring in all that we get

From "The Art and Science of Raja Yoga" Swami Kriyananda writes in the chapter on Affirmations that we create the events in our life - events we both enjoy and despise.

The reasoning for this goes back to the aspects of how things manifest in creation.  He writes:

The universe of thought, known as the casual universe, manifests itself on a grosser level of vibration as energy, the astral universe.  Man's inner thoughts, similarly, must be energized before they can be translated into outward action.

 He gives an example from Yogananda. Yogananda had a student who was getting into a lot of car accidents.  Yogananda told him to "be more careful" and the student was a bit perturbed.  He evidently wasn't the seeming cause of the car accidents.  As his car was hit while parked, or from behind.  But then in time, he kept getting the same advice from his teacher.  Finally, he realized he needed to be less careless in his life.  As he changed his attitudes in life, the accidents stopped.

This is a perfect example of how seeming unrelated situations come back to us.  How karma and emptiness play out in our lives.  I have a friend who's a great teacher to me.  Many would be shocked to hear that, as she's so bitter, mean spirited and angst driven.  But her life is a lesson to all.  Everything she has, she attracts.  Her bitterness returns again and again.  She exclaims a political viewpoint she feels, if met will write the world's ill's.  But if it's met, she'll have another problem.... and another.  She blames one person, then another and another.  What returns to her life is lack.  Lack of peace. Lack of work.  Lack of health.

In my own life, I tend to live out of fear.  Fear of the boss. Fear of job loss. Fear of loosing my family.  I need to not do that.  My friend is a great example of the return.  It's simple harmonic theory.  We create a harmonic and attract a similar chord in our lives.

Prayer to God

From Ananda:

Divine Mother, Heavenly Father,
Dearest Friend, Beloved God,
Lord Jesus Christ, Babaji-Krishna, Lahiri Mahsaya, Swami Sri Yukteswarji,
Beloved Guru, Paramhansa Yogananda
Saints and Sages of all religions, we humbly bow to you all.
May Thy Love shine forever on the sanctuary of our devotion,
And may we be able  to awaken Thy Love In all hearts.
Aum, Peace, Amen.

Ridding Habbits

I found this inspiring from The Essence of the Bhagavad Gita pg. 289:

The time to expel from teh body any unwanted thought or habit is while deliberately exhaling --blowing that thought out of one's being, so to speak.  'Habits,' Yogananda used to say, 'can be changed in a day.  They are simply the result of concentrated energy.  Direct that energy in a new way, and the habit you want to overcome can be instantly dispelled.'  The breath, when accompanied by strong mental affirmation, is the best medium for bringing into one's nature the thoughts nad qualities one wants, and for ridding oneself of those which one wants to dismiss.

Ahimsa: The Path of Non-Violence

In the book "The Art and Science of Raja Yoga" it is explained that Yogananda took Ahimsa to a level beyond the physical. In the 4th chapter it deals with the Yama's... the don'ts.  Ahimsa is translated often as "do no harm." 

It states, "The principle of ahimsa must be understood in the subtle ways, not only in gross.  If you harm anyone in the slightest way - if, for example, you kill his enthusiasm (which is in a sense the life within him), or if you deride him, or if you treat him with disrespect - in all of these ways you will be harming him and also, by reflection, yourself. 

This is an important teaching for me, for in it is my guideline for daily life.  The bread of my spiritual life is this message. Harm none in Body, Speach or Mind - my lama used to say.

Feeling and Emotion

According to the teachings of Yogananda - Feeling and Emotion are NOT the same.

Emotion is a grasping to what's outside of you - It is the use of feelings, pushed downward.

Feeling is like fuel. It can propel motion downward or upwards. By directing feelings inward and up - feelings can conquer emotions.

It's important to feel... Repression is not the teaching here. Sometimes people mistake the spiritual life as a life of repression. But we are not to repress. In fact it's better to express an emotion then to repress it.

Again - the way to overcome emotion is not to repress it, but to direct feeling upwards and inwards.

From the Inner Peace course at Ananda:

Emotions are what bind us to this world. If you learn to handle and use emotions in the right way, you can get out of emotionalism, and into calm feeling. Through calm feeling you can release yourself from the bondage of materialistic desire.

Karma

The meat of this post, was taken from:
http://www.anandaclaritymagazine.com/2011/06/karma-novak-god-yogananda/

The first premise is to recall that we are here for a reason.  This reason isn't to find bliss in the physical life.  The reason is to grow to God.  To bring others to God.  I do not mean to suggest this as a indoctrination, or door knocking crusade.  I mean bringing others to God, by smiling, sending positive energy, loving them, and if asked - giving advice.  But our reason for living is not to reproduce.  It is to learn, grow and share.

So why do bad things happen?

What makes something "good" or "bad"?  Our perception.  The more we identify with the body, the more anything that "takes away" from the body is "bad" - but for those who are identified with the spirit, little "bad" occurs to them.

That said, we all have committed actions that will bear fruit for us.  Each action we do, plants a seed.  The result we will interpret as either "good" or "bad" depending on our perception.  But if our perception is mainly physical, then we know that harming another will harm us.  Loving another will bring love to us.

When I was a Buddhist, my Lama (Lama Marut of Asian Classics Institute) used to talk about "Our Enlightened Self Interest."  This was a concept of doing those acts that will return in such a way to help us with our path towards self liberation.

We can think of it as the Golden Rule.  Do Unto Others as We Would Have Done Unto Us.  But it goes deeper.  It's not about "I want to get rich, so I'll give money away" (which works actually), but this is about "I want to be enlightened - so I will do those things to return to me in such a way to achieve that result."  Gaining money is nice.  It may help our spiritual path - or it might kill it.

I recall a time, I gained a large sum of money, by giving my money away.  This large sum of money was so distracting, I forgot about the spiritual path for quite awhile.  We, like children, do not always know what's best for us.

But to change Karma, we can devote equal time and energy of the "bad" action, to a "good" action(s) to neutralize the result.

But what about the Karma coming?  Results from actions in this life or from before?

The advice from the Article I linked to at the top, is this:

Detach yourself, control the reactive process, and live the teachings

Detaching:
The first thing we usually do when something bad happens, is identify with it - and blame the source of the negativity.  I went through this last week.  Someone talked down to me, I blamed him for his actions.  But, why was he there blaming me?  Go deeper.  It wasn't about my job.  EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS A LESSON.  This is true ESPECIALLY if you see a pattern.  If you've had 5 bosses all do the same negative thing to you - there's some lesson you need to get through to end this cycle.

Again, taken from that link from Crystal Clarity:

Suppose you were obeying the traffic laws, and someone ran a red light and collided with your car. If you blame that person, you’ve done absolutely nothing to change your karma. But if you detach yourself and think: “There’s something for me to learn from this experience,” you bring a positive reaction to it.  Your positive reaction will help expiate the karma.

So the first step in detaching ourselves is: Don’t blame people or circumstances. Nor does it particularly help to blame yourself. Just accept what’s happening as coming from God for your own spiritual freedom.

Detachment also means, being grateful for whatever comes.  This is a hard thing to accept some times.  I lost my first child in divorce... my ex-wife relocated to Europe with my child (when she was 1 year old.)  My daughter is now 10 years old.  I see her a few weeks each year.  I haven't been able to afford seeing her the past 2 years.  It's very hard sometimes... but there is a reason and a lesson.  I'm grateful to God for the lessons He is giving me, to help me towards union with the Divine.

This is of course, the lesson Jesus gave in Turning the Other Cheek.  When everything is seen as "from/of God" then there's less bite to it.  It becomes lessons for our best enlightened interest.  Rather then punishment, or random cruelty.

The goal is to stop our reaction in the moment.  To be so tuned to PRESENT TIME that we don't loose control.  For me, this is the hardest part.  I return to my senses after hours, or days - but I need to catch the moment and not react at all.

Live The Teachings:
Whatever your spiritual teachings are - live them daily.  Embrace them and keep them close to your heart and mind. 

I posted a few days ago, that last Friday I had this negative run in with someone at work.  At first I did what everyone else did - I was angry with the negativity.  Upset with the boss.  Then I turned on Ananda Radio and listened to a rebroadcast from the Gita.  It hit me:

Am I just someone who listens to spiritual advice? Or do I take it to heart?  Do I live it?

I LIVE IT.

And so, at that moment I let go of my ego's desire for resentment.

Work, Life, Furstration and Ultimate Love

I'm noticing that I figure out the real causes of situations now.  I recall back many years ago, I couldn't do that.  I would be swept up in emotion for months over something.  I would obsess about those who harmed me and hurt me.

But now, I can see the spiritual cause a few hours after an event, or a day or two.  But this isn't good enough.  I need to see the spiritual causation at the moment of the problem.

I will write a real life example that occurred to me this past week. 
The week started fine, but towards Thursday we had a problem at work.  It was a project that was rushed and given to me at the last min.  The expectations of upper management was that a miracle could happen.  Pressure was put on all of us to "just get this out to production."  Which we did, but then (now) have a problem.  I gave up lunches, weekends for this project and it was in no real shape to go live, but upper management just pushed on it to squeeze it out.  Now we had a bug.

The problem was a big one.  A big bug.  So, I worked 15 hours on the bug fix.  I didn't get dinner with my wife and I, till 11pm.  I wasn't in the best moods.  I felt this would come back to me as blame.  I was stressed, fearful, angry... a lot of bad feelings going on.


When my wife and i got back from dinner (around 12:20am) I had to work on a separate project.  That's a 16hr day now.  I finished up, went to bed and went to work.

I meditated in the morning and it helped me get passed the emotions in that moment - but a 10min meditation doesn't cover a multitude of problems.  As I was driving to work, I had a bout of road anger.  I lost it (as seen in a post here a few days back.)  I finally got to work - now feeling guilty for my loss of anger.  Only to get a tap on my shoulder to go to a meeting.


In that meeting a upper management entity is lambasting us for the bug that was in production.  He tells us he's disappointed and just can't believe we had this error in production.  He throws a few stones like "other issues we should have caught also."  He tells us he will take responsibility but he blames us.


Many would say "you had every right being angry.  He told you to push that live, when you were finding bugs saying he already tested this throughoughly..."  That's what i was feeling. That's what made me so angry.  All that hard work, lost, and not recognized.  All that was remembered was an error - that was created in part, by upper management forcing something live.


Then as I sat at my desk, I started thinking: Do I just study spirituality? or is it my life?  Shouldn't I see a spiritual lesson here? After all this is the forth major boss in my life who's been like this.

I began listening to Radio Ananda and feeling so wonderful.  There was a reading from the Gita - and it directly spoke to me... which I put the synopsis in a post on Friday.  

That's when an email came to me from a teacher at Ananda.  As I read it, it reminded me of my purpose.

I began looking at this situation and a few hours later, I realized - I can't be angry with upper management.  It's them I should feel empathy for.  Their actions are not against me.  They are to free me.  Everything in my life is a projection to help me get past the spiritual problems I suffer from.  Like my ego.

But on a less deep note, those who are being used to free me, incur for themselves problems.  So feel compassion for those like this upper management.  We all have examples in our lives of people like this, who blame us, or look down on us - BUT those actions don't hurt us.  We, spiritual followers, are breakign free of our body identification.  What could they possibly do to cause harm?  It is they, who are identified with the body, who are harming themselves.  As they get the karma for their actions they will suffer. So we, who are here for only one reason:

To bring people to God

Should try and help them.  Pray for them.  Have compassion for them.  Speak no ill of them.  Just love them, as God would want.

The karmic return of ego, self gratification, delusion - is more of the same.  Either in business, personal lives, family... The return will come - and people like this are identified with their bodies - they will be the ones who see this suffering come back in the world.

Let me not be like that... so I choose to break free and love the ones who are affected by the world, and remember I am unaffected.

It's a great realization - I need to get to this point IN THE MOMENT, next time (and there will be a next time, until I get it right) rather then wait hours or days to come to understand this.

Here's a beautiful teaching on spiritual teachers and devotion from Ananda.org:
http://www.ananda.org/mp3/PeterG082811.mp3

How one should See

and... the day gets worse.

But is worse really anything more then perception?

I was listening to Ananda Radio online streaming and they had an audio reading from The Essence of the Bhagavad Gita.  I didn't catch the chapter this is from, and this is all paraphrased from what I heard:

As the swan's wings are unaffected by the water - so should the man of wisdom be unaffected by the world.

This doesn't mean he's indifferent - he doesn't desire anything for himself. 

The cause of perception for everything and everyone is from himself.

Rejoices in their good and grieves in their evil and what it will do to them.

His only desire is to help others to know God.

As I sat thinking about this - I can hear Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith (in my mind), in a old memory of him saying:

I See... I see with NEW eyes....

This is the new eyes.  New perspective.  Not being caught in the emotion and the wave of like and dislike... But in bliss

...and then I got angry...

This morning's meditation was successful in helping me in that moment.

Then i got in my car, and started driving to work.

I got caught up in my thoughts and was going over and over why something happened at work.  I was frustrated, and my frustrations I put aside resurfaced again.

While going through this, i moved slightly to allow a bycyclist to pass me on the right, and a car on my left honked at me. 

I went into anger very fast.  I flipped them off.  It was very uncharacteristic of me.  I was mentally in anger for the next 10-15min.  Yelling at the driver of the other car.

I still need to meditate.  I need to get past my issues with anger.

In thinking about it, i thought of the driver, as other people in my life - pushing me around, bullying me and saying "my way is superior to what you are doing."

and so I am now guilty over my anger and frustration. 

It was a wake up call from the universe.  To wake up and realize where i'm at and what i need to work on. 

There's no need to feel guilty.  Just face the problem without an opinion and work on a solution.

The solution is meditation, and spiritual practice. 

Purging Desire

Last night was rough for me. I spent 15hours working. It was a very frustrating experience for me. What I didn't realize or remember in the moment, was that Anger is a root or brother to Desire.

I had a lot of desires last night: Desire to have dinner (which was delayed till 11pm) Desire to feed my wife Desire to make my wife happy (she was upset i didn't spend time with her) These obstructed desires ended in Anger. Anger, that I repressed, rather then transmute. So it created some stressful dreams for me last night, related to those I work with.

This morning, I sat in meditation, with new desires being birthed in my mind. I sat there, and thought of Paramhansa Yoganda. Then this idea came to my mind. It's a practice that I felt should be called "Desire Purging."

1. I start with the desire and think about it - not in a "you shouldn't desire" but more like embracing it for a moment.
2. Once the desire is felt in the body... feel the energy. Get in touch with it.
3. Now feel the energy of the Heart Chakra (if you have a hard time of that, you'll need to first open the heart and feel the energy there... that can be done in a variety of ways, which I won't go into detail here)
4. Now, on the In Breath, draw the desire energy from it's body location, into the Heart Chakra.
5. Now, feel the Third Eye Chakra - the point between the eyebrows... and on the Exhale, send the energy to the third eye. I like to visualize at my heart a pink lotus flower - in the center is the energy captured... and it shines like a beacon, the light/energy to the Third Eye Chakra.

I repeat this process... I go through a variety of desires. Desires could be monetary, sexual, or something as simple as desiring recognition at work. I'm going to continue this practice over the next few weeks.

My Focus This Month

Taken from the online Ananda community: www.anandaonlineclasses.org Introspection People commonly delude themselves with easy rationalizations. “Maybe I wasn’t as kind as I might have been,” they’ll say, “but wouldn’t you have been unkind, too, if he’d treated you that way? It wasn’t my fault. The fault was his.” Thus, the blame for every wrong is placed at one’s neighbor’s door. Introspection means to behold oneself from a center of inner calmness, without the slightest mental bias, open to what may be wrong in oneself-not excusing it, but not condemning, either. Introspection means referring what one sees to the superconscious mind, and detachedly accepting guidance, when it comes. Affirmation I am what I am; wishing cannot change me. Let me therefore face my faults with gratitude, for only by facing them can I work on them, and change them. Prayer Let me not delude myself with desires, Lord. Teach me to see behind the play of my thoughts Thy ever-calm gaze of wisdom.

Yesterday was a hard day for me.

It showed me where my weakness' lie.

At work, I've been working on a project that someone left when they quit. It's a huge monolithic project. I had only a couple days to test it... and it still isn't working right.

Evidently a bug was found... and I knew there would be bugs as it's just too much for any single person to test given this short time frame.

Someone on the team sent out an email to the highest authorities in the department, asking why I didn't catch this.

I went through emotions like:
Anger
Depression
Apathy

I was really bummed out. Mainly because I've given up weekends, lunch, peace of mind, to do what I could for this project - yet it evidently wasn't enough. I lost 4 lb's while working on this project due to stress and skipping meals.

Later, I got in a rage. I was so angry the more i thought about it.

I drove home to work from home that night, only to find my internet was out... so i drove back to work... only to find out nothing was ready for me to test.

I finally got home at 10:20pm.

I was not happy.

But there's a lesson here. I lost my center. I got caught in the branches. The real important things: God, my wife, my children, my health - were lost to the transitory things of: job, co-worker, emails, opinion.

This morning I meditated for only 10min and I felt a total release of this stress. But then as I drove to work, I started thinking about it again.

I started stressing myself out again.

The antidote is spirituality. So today i'm going to listen to some spiritual talks, from Anandaonlineclasses.org.

I'm going to do some Hong Sau breathing while at my desk...

I'm going to keep an affirmation in my mind:

What I give to others I give not away, for in my larger reality it remains ever mine. I am happy in the happiness of all!

My Impressions of Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath

I live near Culver City, CA. I also have been to Agape International Spiritual Center. It's a great place and I really enjoy the teachings of Michael Bernard Beckwith.

While unable to attend physically, I did attend virtually through the live stream. I paid the $10 and watched the movie, then later listened to Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath give Q&A and finally participated in the Satsang event where he would breath our breath.

Before I give my impressions, I would like to paraphrase something Ram Dass has said in the past:

Each person has their own Guru. A Guru for you, may not be for me and vice versa.

My Impressions:
The movie:
The movie was pretty interesting. It was interesting seeing him go all over India and see these different places and listen to him talk about his spiritual path and when he was introduced to Babaji.

However, people in the audience were mentioning "being someplace else" when the scene with the cave appeared in the movie. At least one person started with that, and others followed. I can't say I had any experience like that... I was a bit distracted during the film, but I didn't feel anything unusual or blissful.

Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath:
First he came up and did Q&A. He seems like a very nice person. The first question asked was a woman who is fighting for animal rights - and she wanted to know what she could do. His response to her was interesting. It was how I would have responded... basically he said something like:

Look it's fine you take care of animals and want them helped... but the most endangered and abused animal in the world is the human.

She probably didn't care for that answer... I dont know.. But I somewhat agree here. It seems, especially in L.A., people would rather care about a dog, then a homeless man. I guess the idea is: the dog is innocent, the homeless man is a product of his actions. But so too is the dog! At least in the traditions of the East with regard to Karma and Reincarnation. We ALL deserve love and we ALL should express love, to ALL.

However, as the other questions came in, my opinion was he wasn't answering them as a "Guru" (for me at least) but as a regular person. An example of this was a fellow who asked:

How can I get rid of my attachments and desires?

To which, and to my surprise, he espoused the same theology of Aliester Crowley: To embrace the passions. If wine is the vice, Drink Wine! Do this until you are sick of it. That was his answer. That was Crowley's answer.

I truly admire the work of Aliester Crowley, but I disagree in this hedonist philosophy that the way out is through experiencing all desires possible. Crowley spoke of it, as an ocean that one must fully experience to cross.

But what we know in the Bhagavad Gita, is that desires are endless! There's no way you can experience them all. True it is, you may get sick of alcohol after you loose your wife, children, friends and family... or you may get tired of drugs after you end up in jail... or you may get tired of sexual misconduct after your spouse divorces you.... But isn't there a better way?

Yes! there is. A better answer for this young man, would have been:
a) Meditate daily - this will help with will power.
b) Practice Hong-Sau
c) Transmute the energy in your particular desire to a different energy. Yogananda taught such techniques. They are too detailed to go into here... But I've touched on them throughout this blog. You can also find more information at: www.anandaonlineclasses.org
d) Learn to lower your likes and dislikes - till they are nullified. This is from the Gita Chapter 3:34. The teaching here is, you observe throughout your day and see the cycles of your moods... up and down you go. you hit a peak of positive mood and a few hours later a trough of negative moods. By going inside and letting the ups and downs go - you stabilize internally. Like the Trunk of a Tree - you stop living on the edge of the branches. The techniques for this are taught in the "Inner Peace" course at www.anandaonlineclasses.org

One could argue, that the person who asked this particular question needed this answer. Very true... possibly. But, when the answer was given in an open forum, it became an answer for all of us.

What bothered me the most, was everyone cheering when he described embracing your passions and fulfilling them to the full. That's the ego cheering.

The Mystical Satsang:
This is the part where he would breathe our breath. I was fully aware. I was focused. I wanted to give this a good shot. Granted - I was watching live from home... but nothing happened for me.

Most people in the audience (he said about 90% raised their hands saying they felt him breathing their breath) felt he breathed their breath. So they did feel something. Or they thought they did. But I'll believe they did honestly feel something.

Kriya Yoga Empowerment:
He is in Culver City today at the Masonic Lodge, giving a Kriya Yoga Empowerment/Initiation. There is a cost involved I believe, but it's not too expensive. I think around $108 or something.

Conclusion:
I'm VERY glad I saw the Satsang. I'm glad I saw him. Do I now believe he is my Guru? No. It helped me make a decision. From my perspective and my karma, I just saw a regular Yogi (not a Guru.) People are devoted and moved by him and evidently he is their Guru. I'm very happy to see people finding God through him.

My decision is to experience Paramhansa Yogananda as my guru. He's no longer in body form. But is reachable through meditation.

One thing I kept in mind was: If I were to follow this path, would I find his teachings with me daily to guide and help me. For me, no. He does have a Youtube channel. But that isn't the same thing as actual classes to overcome attachment/desires. For that, I'm choosing Ananda Online. It could be something else, for others. The Raja or Royal Yoga is more then just doing a breathing practice. It's also learning wisdom. Yogiraj is only in the area a few months out of each year. There's no official learning system through his disciples that I'm aware of. So - for me, I need more hand holding. I need a class/course that says "here's the way to overcome anger..." "here's the way to get past your attachments..." I could have gone with SRF, but I choose Ananda. What ever our decisions, they are our decisions we need to make along the path.

I want to make it clear, I do not think anyone who chooses Yogiraj is making a mistake. Each of us make our decisions that are required at each moment. His followers are right were they need to be... as are YOU, as is ME.

Art & Creativity

I've also included this on a new blog of mine (Tao of Art): taoofart.blogspot.com

Last night I listened to a lecture from Ananda on Creativity from a Spiritual perspective.

It was very interesting. I began to see my own problems with art. Sometimes my art takes over. It makes me forget my family… my spiritual path, meditation, and so much more. The art becomes the biggest aspect of my life… when it certainly isn’t.

What I learned in the live lecture – was that it is the lack of being centered and lack of Joy. What’s going on, is that my desires are for the acceptance of others. When that becomes the goal of the art – the art distorts into a monolith of focus. Everything else begins to shadow in comparison.

Staying centered, in the moment is the way to real creativity.

I asked how I could get joy to overcome my problems with wanting to be accepted by others. The answer I was given came down to:

Be in the moment – we create in the moment. When we think “my public will like this,” or “this will impress others…” we have lost the moment. We are thinking of the future. That future focus, can flip a person into obsession.

Joy is the essence of creativity. We can cultivate joy by focusing on the moment. Being at our heart center. Try focusing on the heart, or Ajna chakra when doing something artistic.

Energy – “you don’t have to create energy, it’s already there – just remove the blocks to it.”
To remove the blocks to energy:
Have the right attitude
Overcome Laziness
Practice Meditation
Remove all people, places, things that take away from our full potential… from books, music, movies to people… be surrounded instead, by the things that do not limit our potential.

Desire for Art...

My birthday is coming up...

I've been sitting around playing with some 3D art tools - one of which is quite expensive. It's $699.

I "could" buy it, but should I? I'm not a professional artist. It's more of a hobby, I hope to turn into extra income. But I don't get paid for art - except small amounts of money for stock art.

I was reading "The Essential Bhagavad Gita" at lunch today and I came to the commentary on 3:35 -
Ask yourself inwardly, 'Will I feel freedom in this contemplated enjoyment? will I feel freedom in this desired love?'

The point there is will this gift to myself make me feel "free" or make me a victim of my desire to own this product?

Many times I find that my art is desire driven. I have a desire to be liked and respected by others and I try to create that by creating art. But it's all poor motivation.

I have also found myself so wrapped up in my art, I forget my wife, I forget to eat... That's not balanced.

Going back to previous verse - 3:34

Attraction and repulsion (regarding) sense objects belong to the natural ebb and flow of duality. Beware equally of them both, for they are man's greatest enemies!

The commentary on that verse is specific and shows the error with extreme like and dislike. I feel it's very difficult to admit this... but admit it I will - I feel it is an extreme 'like' on my part, with regards to my art.

A good feeling should come from the inward, spiritual heart. I'm not sure mine does.

Sharing

Sharing
True happiness is found not in possessions, but in sharing what one has with
others. Thus is one’s self-identity expanded, as he learns to live in, and
enjoy, a greater reality.

People who gladly share with others feel themselves bathed by a constant,
inner stream of happiness.

Sharing is the doorway through which the soul escapes the prison of selfpreoccupation.

It is one of the clearest paths to God.

Affirmation
What I give to others I give not away, for in my larger reality it remains ever
mine. I am happy in the happiness of all!

Prayer
O Infinite Giver, teach me to find happiness through others.


From Swami Kriyananda’s Affirmations for Self-Healing
Crystal Clarity Publishers

Hong Sau: to destress

What Hong Sau is:
I learned about this breathing technique from www.Ananda.org and www.anandaonlineclasses.org (the meditation class offered goes into detail on it's use.) There are also some books that discuss it, like "How to Have Courage Calmness and Confidence." Which details the technique towards the end.

It was Yogananda who taught the technique in that book. It's a simple technique of inhaling and exhaling naturally through the nose. On the inhale you mentally say "hong" and on the exhale you mentally say "sau" (sounds like saw.)

While doing this, you put your attention at the opening of the nostrils. AFter awhile, you move your attention up the nasal caveity to where it connects with the brow. Feel the air movement while you mentally chang hong sau on inhales and exhales.

After awhile you migrate the attention to the spot between the eyebrows (Ajna Chakra or "3rd Eye") and continue the mental chant and focus. If attention wonders just bring it back.

I've started doing Hong Sau throughout the day.

I had a rough week at work and one day, I went outside and sat somewhere quiet and used the technique to slow the heart, remove the stress... and just get back to a peaceful center.

I was reading in "How to have Courage, Calmness and Confidence" yesterday:

When you act in the world forgetting God, you have changed your center from God to matter. This material nature will throw you into the whirlpool of change and will stifle you with worries and sorrows. Revert to your own true nature. Change your center from material desires to desire for God. pg 134.

Hong Sau allowed me to recenter. It really helped put things into perspective.

EVERY day is a good day, because...

Every day is a good day, because in every day we see God. He is in everything. We either learn or are blessed. But in all we grow. In this there is God. So be happy and rejoice - no matter what happens today - God is here.

Today I center, and Turn it Over to You.

Since my manager has been out, I've been filling in for him. It's been tough.

I'm basically managing work for the equivalent of 3 teams. I have my work, the work he would normally do, handling emergencies and being handed the work of a co-worker who is quitting.

I was worried about last week... but it turns out last week wasn't that bad. But you know why it wasn't? I turned it over to God. I simply prayed each day "God this is your deal. You own this job. You put me here. I've done all I can, I ask for your help."

This week, I thought it started progressively worse. But it really didn't. What changed was my perspective. I was trying to do "more of it" myself. But now I'm taking the prayer up:

God this is your deal. This is your job. You own everything. I am your child and own all this through You. As You are the Doer, I ask You to make this week work out well. I have done all I can.

Be calm. Remember this is a test.

ONLY A TEST.

A test of what?

A test for us. To be better. find our weakness' and work them out. To become perfected through the countless aeon's. This is our test.

Look upon all things cheerfully and with courage, that's the way out of the situation. The harder it is to do that, means the more we must rely on our greater source of power - The Divine.

So yes, I was stressed... I felt anger, stress, frustration. At 11am today I wrote a friend and told them I was upset with the chaos of my situation. He was going through something similar.

I went to lunch and read through a chapter of "How to Have Courage, Calmness and Confidence" - and I drew my energy up to the Ajna chakra. Then I felt bliss... and peace.

Now I am at peace... internal peace. Joy of the soul... which is unfettered by karma and the law of return.

No Breath

Tonight, I sat in meditation. After I did Hong Sau, I called to Swami Yogananda to help me stay focused. I felt "sit still" and for the rest of the meditation, I didn't move. From time to time my mind wondered but it was brought back.

At one point I wasn't breathing. The awareness of that was fast. like a split second... and I jerked forward, feeling shocked by the no breath.

After that, I filled my heart with love and touched into the feeling and brought it to my 3rd eye. Then expressed love to all my I know as difficult people, those I care for and to the beings that inhabit this world.

Truth Will Speak For You

I was talking with a friend of mine today.

He told me how someone we both know, betrayed his friendship and started lieing about him, behind his back. This person was trying to destroy his image, to their mutual friends.

It was rather frustrating to hear. It made me upset.

I took a break today and read from "How to have Courage, Calmness and Confidence" and on page 41 I read about his situation he's going through:

Praise does not make you better, nor blame worse, than what you are. Then why heed these two? Don't pay attention when people praise you, but survey yourself carefully when they blame you. If you are at fault, free yourself from error quickly; but if you are not guilty, laugh and forget it. Truth will speak for you.

Truth Will Speak For You

I was talking with a friend of mine today.

He told me how someone we both know, betrayed his friendship and started lieing about him, behind his back. This person was trying to destroy his image, to their mutual friends.

It was rather frustrating to hear. It made me upset.

I took a break today and read from "How to have Courage, Calmness and Confidence" and on page 41 I read about his situation he's going through:

"Praise does not make you better, nor blame worse, than what you are. Then why heed these two? Don't pay attention when people praise you, but survey yourself carefully when they blame you. If you are at fault, free yourself from error quickly; but if you are not guilty, laugh and forget it. Truth will speak for you."