It showed me where my weakness' lie.
At work, I've been working on a project that someone left when they quit. It's a huge monolithic project. I had only a couple days to test it... and it still isn't working right.
Evidently a bug was found... and I knew there would be bugs as it's just too much for any single person to test given this short time frame.
Someone on the team sent out an email to the highest authorities in the department, asking why I didn't catch this.
I went through emotions like:
Anger
Depression
Apathy
I was really bummed out. Mainly because I've given up weekends, lunch, peace of mind, to do what I could for this project - yet it evidently wasn't enough. I lost 4 lb's while working on this project due to stress and skipping meals.
Later, I got in a rage. I was so angry the more i thought about it.
I drove home to work from home that night, only to find my internet was out... so i drove back to work... only to find out nothing was ready for me to test.
I finally got home at 10:20pm.
I was not happy.
But there's a lesson here. I lost my center. I got caught in the branches. The real important things: God, my wife, my children, my health - were lost to the transitory things of: job, co-worker, emails, opinion.
This morning I meditated for only 10min and I felt a total release of this stress. But then as I drove to work, I started thinking about it again.
I started stressing myself out again.
The antidote is spirituality. So today i'm going to listen to some spiritual talks, from Anandaonlineclasses.org.
I'm going to do some Hong Sau breathing while at my desk...
I'm going to keep an affirmation in my mind:
What I give to others I give not away, for in my larger reality it remains ever mine. I am happy in the happiness of all!
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