I asked Paramhansa Yogananda and I got a response!

this was pretty interesting.

My good friend was terminated yesterday.  I didn't get to say goodbye, so I reached out to him on Facebook asking what happened.

He didn't reply.  then today, I was mentally visualizing my guru (imagining him in my light field): Paramhansa Yogananda, and I asked aloud, "What will happen to [the name of my friend" and as I asked, literally in that exact moment, I got a message on my phone from my friend... and he said what happened and what he'll be doing next (taking some time off.)

How amazing that I got an instant answer!

Intuition

Two interesting things happened today.

 For the past few days I have been trying to trigger a OOBE while going to sleep.  I have no memory of one occurring, but something odd happened.

First, this morning... I had a "memory" of looking at a computer screen and seeing a profile of someone, like on a social site.  the name read Lakshmee. This person was a Indian woman.  Later in the day I read a segment from a book and in the book a person was mentioned.... a person named Lakshmee!

Second, while at my job, I had a meeting.  As I came into the meeting, I had a funny feeling. I looked around for someone I expected, didn't see them there and felt like they may no longer work here anymore.  Although this person had been with the company for many years, I found out a few hours later that they were dismissed that very day.

Ego in others, the reflection of me.

I recently had the interesting opportunity to meet with a couple of people.  These people I found arrogant, egotistical, frustrating and insulting.  So much attitude was pushed at me.  I could list all the things I went through with these two guys, but I'll just sum it up as arrogance.

I felt frustrated, discouraged and angry at the guys.  Then tonight in a light meditation, I asked God, "Why did you give me this situation?"  and the answer I got was "To humble you."  I dwelt on the answer for awhile and I decided to forgive these two people. When I did, I realized something amazing - what I disliked in them, is the same qualities I have inside myself.

I'm egotistical.  I'm arrogant.  I'm frustrating.  There are people that see me this way.  I've seen myself be like this.  There are some I look down on. Others I am arrogant with. 

I now see this frustrating moment as a golden opportunity to see a reflection of myself.  I now humble myself to others and those around me, and put God first.

Thanks to those mirrors who reflected my own issues back at me, that I could see my own faults.

Changing the inputs

I decided to change the inputs into my life, from negative to positive.

So...
I meditated this morning.
On the way to work, I played a recording of Swami Kriyananda on the subject of stress.
On my lunchbreak I read a small section from Paramhansa Yogananda A Biography.
I walked in quiet contemplation of Yogananda

I feel great. I feel in touch with a spiritual teacher (Yogananda) - I also feel more relaxed about whatever the world will throw at me.  For God is the Doer in all things.  In all things, I can find God.

Ocean

I've had a lot going on in my life lately.  We all do.  For me it's family emergencies, work chaos, financial crisis, personal health.  We all have our complaints.  I'm not trying to boast on mine.

But recently, after having lunch with Dharmaraj from Ananda - I really was feeling pretty meditative.  Just hanging out with someone who meditates, like Dharmaraj kinda rubs off and made me feel like I was more relaxed.

So there I was yesterday, driving home from work, and I see the ocean.  I'm coming down Colorado Ave, towards the beach, and I see the ocean way out there... and I'm thinking "look how perfectly still it is.  It's a straight line."

But it isn't calm out there in the ocean.  It isn't a straight line, when you're on a fishing boat a few miles out... you're up and down, side to side... then under the surface are all the currents going on.

Then it dawned on me.  Those undercurrents, and waves, and fuss in the ocean - it's only there when you're there at that spot.  If you stand back far enough - it's just a straight line - it's calm.

Similarly, if I step back far enough, issues like "who left the company?" or "how much money is left in my checking account?" become less reactive.  They're still there, and you deal with it, just without the reactive stress of being tossed and sunk.

 So how do we get the mind off the turmoil and onto something stable that's outside our reactive environment?  That's where the concept of God, or Guru, or Saint can really help.  It's a symbol, we can put our mind on, that isn't affected by the turmoil around us. 

Anyway, those are my thoughts on a day like this.

Light Headed - Ego Identification

I was meditating today in the park, on my lunch break.  I had this sensation of light headedness... and it scared me. I get all these fears like, "what if you're dieing?"  "what if you loose consciousness?"

I dont know why I get the lighteded feeling... But what I realized is that i'm so ego identified.  All I could do is grasp onto my chair, and try and break the meditation, to focus on myself.

This fear... this attachment to the body, is ego identificaiton... and it's not pleasant.  It disrupts and blocks spiritual progress.

Quote: Kriyananda

“I have always found that by adhering rigidly
to right action, I have achieved all the success I wanted and needed in
life.” - Kriyananda

How to be successful

To be ethical and all decisions made with a dharmic mind.  Only through right action is one successful.

How to separate God from Ego

A similar question was asked of Swami Kriyananda.  He mentioned that our ego wants to get in the way, but the way we can discover what is ego - if there is desire behind it. 

The guidance of God, shouldn't have selfish desire associated, but the egoic goals will have desire.  Find decisions that don't have selfish desire.

Fear

I was meditating a few days ago and came across this idea of Fear.

Fear, when confronted with a situation, is normal for someone attached to their body.
But fear, when no situation is currently at hand, is not normal - and instead the concentration on that fearful potential can create the outcome.

Depressed and writing a poem

I've been depressed for the past 3-4 weeks.

In looking at the source it seems to be my job.  The pressure, stress and demands that have occupied my life and taken away my ability to spend time with the family, exercise and even meditate.

in this dark feeling i wrote this stream of consciousness poem today:

this is the run on that never ends... the ultimate darkness of the human soul lays at the depth of my inner voice.  my hardened soul calibre is tired and fleeting life bleeds tired.  We're remote from the source.  The ever pounding thump of doom returns the horn call of the hallows evening.  This is the night of passing. The day of which turns to my personal night.  my darkness falls.  covering the tapestry of the lightless void.  Here I am.  I cry to those that hear me not.  Here I am... is returned by the call of him who knows me well... the eternal one... that mighty source - the spark of life.  Resonating well he says "there you are" and I am alive - again.  the process repeating itself. the incarnation repeating.  all memories whiped.  all karma ripened.  I am alone again, in a world of suffering.  The buddha was right.  but where's the goal?  I have lost sight.

Depressed

Since about Tuesday I've been depressed. I thought it useful to log this in the journal. It's affected my meditation (Tuesday i didn't meditate at all and we'd I only got 45min in.) In trying to find a trigger I've noticed: 1) Sat night and Monday night I saw depressing movies/ tv shows 2) Monday I realized my finances are not in a great position 3) I had fears about my job 4) Wife's immigration appointment was canceled by info pass. I felt like I can't win with these guys. I've been caught up in the delusion of Maya. Today (Thursday) I'm still feeling "down" although not as bad as Tuesday. After getting some sleep on Tuesday, I feel better, but not 100%.

Meditation and brilliant light

Today, I spent half an hour at lunch meditating in a park on the property where I work.  I was sitting on this cloudy day and did the Hong Sau exercise, for roughly 20min.  At some point, there was a strong pull to the point between my eyes... so strong, it felt like a magnet... I was just there.  Like I was locked there in place.

Then, came this really bright light, like a super white glow that flooded my mental vision.  It was so shocking, that I was jarred forward with fear.  I got scared because it was so unusual for me. Then i remembered this is what is taught by Paramhansa Yogananda.  That the light is the energy/light of the Christ Center or Ajna Chakra. 

I also made sure the sun hadn't come out and been the source of the light.  Sure enough, the sky was still cloudy.  It was so bright. 

I calmed myself and got back to that same sensation and saw a more yellowish light this time, again I opened my eyes and verified the sun wasn't out... again I got back to the same point and meditated on the glow.  It wasn't as strong of a sensation this time.

I think I somehow unconsciously lowered the experience to something I could tolerate.

4-22 Sunday Service

Today was a fantastic teaching by a visiting teacher.  Padma from the South Bay Ananda Ashram came by to deliver the message.

The message was very important for me to hear.  So many things were discussed.

Lately I've had a lot of frustration and stress at my job.  I've ended up using habits and crutches to deal with the stress, or in some situations I've vented inapropriately on others.

In this Sunday sermon, Padma talked about:

• Our goal is to conquer the ego
• A way to conquer the ego is to "Love God" to put God into everything we do... an exercise example was to include God in all thoughts and decisions throughout the day, "Lord God, which way should I drive to work," and so forth.  By doing so, we begin to bring God into our daily activities
• Devotion to God and others
• A sign of Ego, is when we get angry.  Anger is egoic, because it is about our identificaiton with the body.  When we get angry we should stop and think about it... why did I get angry? what triggered it.  Often it will be aspects that upset us, that we ourselves need to work on.

Building a good defense

http://www.aikidonotes.com/2012/04/redirecting-force-off-mat.html
The above article was written by me, regarding a life application of spiritualizing Aikido to daily life.  The problem I was mentioning, was that of being compelled to do something we don't want to do.

In Aikido we don't use force to combat force, but instead redirect force.  Which is what the article is about.  What the article there doesn't go into, is how to grow spiritually, to diminish the problem in the first place.

There are many practices that take us out of our self (or extend our selves) to get our attention in a larger view.  This nullifies the Ego... Desires... Anger...

Things such as:
Asana Yoga
Bhakti Yoga
Gyana Yoga
Meditation
Mudra's for various problems (such as the Mahamudra for handing unwanted desires)
and so forth.

It's not just enough to have a method of fighting a problem, one must also have a technique of expansion... to find a path to God.  By doing this, the internal problems and desires will slowly subside.

Kriya Yoga

I'm getting closer to taking the Kriya Initiation.  I just finished the last two assignments for my preparation into Kriya. 

I do know there are things I need to work on.  I need to spend more time in meditation.  Typically, I'm getting only one meditation session in a day and some days, none at all.  That's terrible.  My goal is at least a hour of meditation a day.  But realistically, I'm only getting about 30min or so. 

I'm also noticing some changes in my behavior.  I dont know if it's old age, but lately, I'm getting more frustrated with people.  I find myself at the job, snapping at people, and having less ability to control my frustrations to things that upset me. 

In reading Paramhansa's work, I came across a reference where he acknowledged the benefits of Martial Arts.  I have a feeling such training would benefit me in my own mental discipline.  So I took up Aikido recently. 

As such I have a separate blog about Aikido at www.aikidonotes.com

The space between

Today at the Ananda LA Ashram, I was meditating and asking Divine Mother to show herself to me.  In that meditative moment I had this feeling that the Divine was in the space between each of us. 

At first I thought it just a mental notion I came up with, but as I meditated on it... I realized it had some deeper meaning.

The space between us, is outside our ego boundaries.  The ego is the self identified with the body.  Once we step out of that element, and into the external space between us and others, we are no longer part of the ego. 

If others do the same, then on that level, we become united.  Our true or higher natures are all outside the little self... which makes us all united.

Finally, if God is in this space, then we all are on some level connected with the Divine. 

Inner Sounds

This morning I spent time listening to the inner sounds... and heard the sound like that of a Bee buzzing around, in and out... far and close.

I learned some Karma lessons this past weekend.  I made a selfish decision, which came back to me... in the result of something being taken from me.  I spent hours on a work of art, only to loose it in an instant.  I was extremely frustrated and angry.  Then I realized my error and this as karma.

Also of note, in my angry state of yelling at the computer and in yelling at myself, I looked over at my son, who is only 5 months old. His head was laying on a pillow as he watched me and he had this look... it's  hard to describe but a look of total compassion and love.  Like true concern for me.  It really made me want to cry.  I love my son so much and didn't know he was capable of showing such powerful concern in his eyes.

The importance of Spiritual Friends

I've recently seen first hand, the importance of a Sangha. 

Recently (for the past 3 weeks), I had been pretty sick.  I was so sick, I was not going to my Ashram/Sangha each week.  Instead I was still practicing as I could (missed a few days here and there, due to sickness) and noticed my behavior was slumping lower. 

Then I returned to the Ashram and that reconnection just inspired me.

I felt the difference of being away from them, and being back to the Ashram.  The presence of God, the power of the individuals, it was so felt.

Since having attended, and doing the fire ceremony, listening to a great teaching... it really changed my outlook, my motivations and my responses to life. 

I have found it so important for myself to be part of a Sangha/Ashram, and be around spiritual friends.  it's so necessary for me.

Service

"Service is a channel by which you express your attunement."  Swami Kriyananda.

I heard him say that in a recording from 1981. 

It's an important aspect of the spiritual path.  Often times I find myself just seeking goals. But the real goal is achieved through service.

Sunday Service Notes (from Ananda LA)

Sunday notes from Ananda L.A. (www.anandala.org):

OM is the cosmic vibration of God
In the Bible it's described as, "In the beginning was the Word..." is a reference to the vibration coming down from source and resounding at a rate to make the physical world.

Material consciousness:
you can feel this by thinking about your thoughts and seeing where they reside (material or spiritual.)  An example of this was a car accident the speaker witnessed outside the Ananda location this past week. One particular person was very negative and soaked in material consciousness... expecting the worst.  Expecting a nightmare to unfold from the police.  From insurance.  From the victim.  When given a spiritual perspective, the negative person said "oh your so niave" but in reality, they are just in a different consciousness (material consciousness - as opposed to spiritual.)

To live in fear makes us separate from God.

people who demand people do their spiritual path - is a validation thing. We should be happy to see people seeking God (no matter what their path.):
stage 1 of spirituality.  This occurs when someone just starts out on a path and wants people to do what they do because they got something out of it.  Stage 2: can be the pride... like "i've found God... but you haven't..." "this is right, that is wrong..."  stage 3: we dont have to change the world, in order to feel ok.  We can be in the world and start to see everyone as our spiritual brothers and sisters. 
"our Guru is ours.. we can never know anyone else's guru."

If you ever see anyone attuning to God - support it.  It may not be your path, but try to be a channel to support them and their choice for God.

Help in difficult times

Yogananda taught his disciples that our effort is 25%, his effort as our guru is 25% and God's effort is 50%.

How this helps is this:
If I am struggling with something, I call to my guru - Yogananda and remind him of this and say - I'm providing my effort... please provide yours, and help me to get God's... and I know I'll overcome.

It works.  It worked this morning, and it's worked in the past with me. 

Jai Guru.

Poem

Why do you have the right,

To do all the things you hate in me

To yell and scream into the night.

To complain and bring my faults for me to see.

To talk down to me and faults show

Where I live in fear of criticism and rage

Where I’m told “you should know…”

You’re not the only one living in a cage.

You may not be able to do much in life

But I have less freedom each day, each night

When we’re home, from you  I get so much strife

If I respond the same way to you-you say I have no such right.

I hate being angry… and for that I apologize

But you have no idea how much I hold back

When you criticize me to the point of agonize

All I know is how much peace I lack.

You aren’t the problem, I know

But you seem to think only you suffers in life

I try each day to be better and grow

My joy is killed by all this frustrating strife.

I don’t want to upset you, or make you mad

You deserve joy but you don’t see one thing

I don’t want to be the one to make you sad.

But honestly, it’s not me who’s causing you this pain.

One thing I’ve learned, is this so clear

Stop the insults, and criticism of family and friends

You must give and not talk about others dear

It’s time for both of us to make amends.

No more criticism of father, other and friend

Just be happy with who you are and where

I also need to do the same and make amend

Give your life to God, give all for him to bare. 

I refuse from this day on, to be angry at you

But you should also know that it’s not fair

To judge me unkindly daily and peace so few

Together we can improve and be a Holy pair.

But we have to stop criticizing others… both you and I.

Last Week

Last week was very tough and challenging.
It started with work related stress. But then I had some personal challenges.  The first challenge was Wed. morning and I prayed and prayed and was able to overcome the challenge without any problems.

Thursday, I had a major release.  I prayed and offered it up to Master Yogananda.  As he said: your effort is 25%, the guru's effort is 25% and God is 50%.  So I tried to do my best with this release we were doing at work.  I prayed that Guru and God would take care of everything else.

The release went very well.  I was doing fine.  But in the afterglow of the success at work, I got material minded.  I started thinking of a possible bonus from my job.... heard I might get one, and started mentally spending the money before i even had it.  I was going through websites looking for cameras... spending hours looking and researching different cameras... and i put my spiritual life on the back burner Thursday night, Friday.

Then, Friday, my wife told me about a bill that came in... due to a mistake on my part, I had a bill that's now 3 times normal.  It upset me so much, that I flipped out and started screaming about the bill.

Later, I went to bed and my wife yelled at me for coming to bed late.  Then I just walked out of the bedroom and tried to sleep in the living room.  I was so angry.  So upset.

I went into a quick and deep depression.  I just felt like my life was so messed up that everytime i want something i find i can't afford it.  I became self absorbed and then apathetic.  My saturday was like a dream. I felt so depressed and unconnected to everything.

But by Sat. night I felt better.  What I did was piece this weekend back to the source of my problems.   It all started with materialism.  When I fell into a situation, I didn't use any tools or meditate or try to be rational... I flipped out.  That was because I was weak: due to not meditating and thinking only of this camera.

But come Sat evening I got my mind back into a positive situation.  I made lunch for my wife and felt better. I think making meals for my wife was what helped me.  It got me to stop thinking of my own situation. 

I did develope a migraine later. not sure if it was related. 

Sacrifice

Sometimes we give up something and we think of it as a Sacrifice. For example, we might hear people say, "I sacrificed my family for my job."

The thing is though - that the word sacrifice has a very interesting meaning.  It comes from two root words: Sacri and Fice.  These words are Old English, and refer to "Holy" and "To make."  It means, litterally, "To make Holy."

The word was a reference to the transformation of something from corrupted to something Holy. 

With this in mind, we can then ask ourselves, what are we really sacrificing?  Can we honestly sacrifice our family for a job?  No.  Not really.  The job (a mundane, external work) doesn't make the family Holy. 

Many things in life, that I used to think of as a 'sacrifice' were simply losses.  Sacrifice means you've converted something into something Holy.  But most of the time I was giving things up for things not important.  In other words, it was not a Sacrifice, but loosing something out of ignorance. 

To me, this topic is important. It's not just a topic of entemology, rather it has significance.   It helps me see what I'm really giving up and if it's for the right reason.  If I spend less time with the family, so I can make more money... am I making something Holy?  Or am I loosing the family for something false?

It puts into perspective of what's Holy and what we should and more importantly SHOULDN'T be giving up. 

Sunday Service: The Eternal Word & Fire Ceremony

Yesterday - on Sunday, Jan 1, 2012 - I went to Ananda LA and had a great experience.  They did a fire ceremony.  I remember hearing about the fire ceremony from my Buddhist days.  Although I never attended one, I did listen and tried to recreate it in my own home, when I lived alone in Fontana.

But yesterday, I actually attended a fire ceremony.  A fire ceremony is a symbolic ritual - where rice or seeds are cast into a fire.  This rice (or seeds) is symbolic of bad karma, being burned up in the Fire of the Eternal God.  This was guided - Ram, who led the ceremony would toss the rice in the fire, while we the congregation changed a mantra and stretched our arms out towards the fire - mentally releasing our personal karma into the fire.

Then, afterwards, Ram and Dharmaraj sat before the audience and one by one we approached one of them.  I had a slip of paper, on the back of which I wrote a personal message of my goals which would be burned.

I approached Ram and he did a ceremonial prayer and touched my heart.  I felt the energy from his hand, as it vibrated against my chest.  When he was done he said something like "By the Grace of God and Guru - you are Free."  It's not an exact quote... just what I remember him saying - I could be wrong.

At that point I went up to the platform and burned my piece of paper and threw it in the bowl - symbolizing my release from my problems.

The service itself was about the Eternal Word: AUM.  A quote from "Rays of the One Light" was read - which was a parallel translation of the Bible and Bhagavad Gita.  The Biblical quote was from John, about "In the Beginning the Word was with God and the Word was God..."

The Eternal Word, isn't the Bible, or any Holy written work.  For the Word was in the beginning - and the Word predated all writing.  The Word is the comforter, the Holy Spirit... the creative force AUM.  It lives in every cell, every atom.  By realizing that, and taking communion with that Word, we find Heaven.  It is the very presence of God.

Forgiveness

I was watching a documentary tonight, on this very subject.  I didn't care much for the documentary, as it seemed to cater more to the idea of not forgiving others, when it's "too much."

In other words, when there is "true evil" as some people interviewed said, then they said, "one shouldn't forgive."  They even addressed those that forgive terrible crimes committed against their families, as not being healthy.  That, as many interviewed claimed, it is healthier to express anger and resentment.

But that just isn't the case, in my view.  When we look at forgiveness from the point of view as having conditions (i.e. "only forgive if one shows you repentance,") than one isn't really offering anything.  It's simply a tit for tat relationship.  Nor does it allow one to dissolve the bond between themselves and the negative incident, when there is no repentance. 

Forgiveness, when done without any conditions being met, allows the victim to disconnect from the wrong doer.  Without forgiveness, one just holds in the resentment and anger.  Expressing anger, just never seems to burn it off.  How many of us who hold on to anger, ever really get rid of it, until we forgive?  Isn't it true, that the anger just repeats over and over again - as though not satisfied?  A murder goes to jail, instead of the death penalty, and the families of the victims feel there's no satisfaction.  Yet those that truly forgive, and for the right reasons, find a release from the pain and agony.

One person in the documentary said, "I can't believe in a God that loves the criminal as much as the victim."  I'm trying not to be judgmental.  I mean, I have a terrible temper - I'm no saint of forgiveness myself, but when I heard that I thought - What limited thinking.  That's a person who only see's life, as this flesh and blood body.  They aren't looking at the eternal soul.  Once, one meditates, and steps away from identifying with the body... even just conceptualizing that possibility, that they are not the body, one releases this old fashioned notion of revenge.  Forgiveness is all too clear as the proper course of action.

I've also heard people attack the notion of Ahimsa or Non-Violence, as an invitation for others to harm us.  But it's not so.  As a Buddhist Monk I know would say: What if you came home to your house and you found your mother (that you love) in a altered state of mind, running mad with a knife stabbing people.  Would your first reaction be to pick up a gun and kill her? Or would it be to attempt to subdue her first? 

We would all try and subdue her.  But when it comes to people we don't identify with, society often all too quickly rushes in to maim, torture or kill.  If there's a solution without taking a life, why not first take that course of action? 

If life is more than this meat body... if it is a spiritual experience in physical form, then each action we take has a consequence.  If the action we take, is for revenge (no matter how much we justify it), then we simply are creating a future response of more problems.  The pattern repeats and repeats itself. 

In the documentary I was watching tonight, one guy who was a grief counselor stated: Well these people who forgive others - they still grieve.  As though the forgiveness failed.  Forgiving others doesn't necessarily mean you stop grieving.  It does however mean, you move on.  I've never seen someone who holds a grudge move on.  How often they will open those old wounds and rekindle that burning fire deep down inside. 

But to those that forgive others.  To them, we see a radiance.  A total change and transformation.

But true forgiveness is not something to be done because we are afraid God won't forgive us.  Nor is it about forgiving if we get something from it (like repentance.)  True forgiveness is free.  The mind that only things of this world as the only world, can't comprehend it.  It will war against forgiveness.  It will make excuses to hold on to anger, hatred, violence, revenge.  It will not understand, because to understand one must break free of the concept that this is all there is. 

In this new year of 2012, I hope to see more forgiveness - in my own actions and in those around me.  I tend to have a temper.  I quickly get mad, but also forgive quickly.  This new year, I want to transform my reactions, so that my anger doesn't rise to the top.  That my desires diminish.  That my state of emotion is more neutral and less dualistic, swinging to and fro.