I was watching a documentary tonight, on this very subject. I didn't care much for the documentary, as it seemed to cater more to the idea of not forgiving others, when it's "too much."
In other words, when there is "true evil" as some people interviewed said, then they said, "one shouldn't forgive." They even addressed those that forgive terrible crimes committed against their families, as not being healthy. That, as many interviewed claimed, it is healthier to express anger and resentment.
But that just isn't the case, in my view. When we look at forgiveness from the point of view as having conditions (i.e. "only forgive if one shows you repentance,") than one isn't really offering anything. It's simply a tit for tat relationship. Nor does it allow one to dissolve the bond between themselves and the negative incident, when there is no repentance.
Forgiveness, when done without any conditions being met, allows the victim to disconnect from the wrong doer. Without forgiveness, one just holds in the resentment and anger. Expressing anger, just never seems to burn it off. How many of us who hold on to anger, ever really get rid of it, until we forgive? Isn't it true, that the anger just repeats over and over again - as though not satisfied? A murder goes to jail, instead of the death penalty, and the families of the victims feel there's no satisfaction. Yet those that truly forgive, and for the right reasons, find a release from the pain and agony.
One person in the documentary said, "I can't believe in a God that loves the criminal as much as the victim." I'm trying not to be judgmental. I mean, I have a terrible temper - I'm no saint of forgiveness myself, but when I heard that I thought - What limited thinking. That's a person who only see's life, as this flesh and blood body. They aren't looking at the eternal soul. Once, one meditates, and steps away from identifying with the body... even just conceptualizing that possibility, that they are not the body, one releases this old fashioned notion of revenge. Forgiveness is all too clear as the proper course of action.
I've also heard people attack the notion of Ahimsa or Non-Violence, as an invitation for others to harm us. But it's not so. As a Buddhist Monk I know would say: What if you came home to your house and you found your mother (that you love) in a altered state of mind, running mad with a knife stabbing people. Would your first reaction be to pick up a gun and kill her? Or would it be to attempt to subdue her first?
We would all try and subdue her. But when it comes to people we don't identify with, society often all too quickly rushes in to maim, torture or kill. If there's a solution without taking a life, why not first take that course of action?
If life is more than this meat body... if it is a spiritual experience in physical form, then each action we take has a consequence. If the action we take, is for revenge (no matter how much we justify it), then we simply are creating a future response of more problems. The pattern repeats and repeats itself.
In the documentary I was watching tonight, one guy who was a grief counselor stated: Well these people who forgive others - they still grieve. As though the forgiveness failed. Forgiving others doesn't necessarily mean you stop grieving. It does however mean, you move on. I've never seen someone who holds a grudge move on. How often they will open those old wounds and rekindle that burning fire deep down inside.
But to those that forgive others. To them, we see a radiance. A total change and transformation.
But true forgiveness is not something to be done because we are afraid God won't forgive us. Nor is it about forgiving if we get something from it (like repentance.) True forgiveness is free. The mind that only things of this world as the only world, can't comprehend it. It will war against forgiveness. It will make excuses to hold on to anger, hatred, violence, revenge. It will not understand, because to understand one must break free of the concept that this is all there is.
In this new year of 2012, I hope to see more forgiveness - in my own actions and in those around me. I tend to have a temper. I quickly get mad, but also forgive quickly. This new year, I want to transform my reactions, so that my anger doesn't rise to the top. That my desires diminish. That my state of emotion is more neutral and less dualistic, swinging to and fro.
In other words, when there is "true evil" as some people interviewed said, then they said, "one shouldn't forgive." They even addressed those that forgive terrible crimes committed against their families, as not being healthy. That, as many interviewed claimed, it is healthier to express anger and resentment.
But that just isn't the case, in my view. When we look at forgiveness from the point of view as having conditions (i.e. "only forgive if one shows you repentance,") than one isn't really offering anything. It's simply a tit for tat relationship. Nor does it allow one to dissolve the bond between themselves and the negative incident, when there is no repentance.
Forgiveness, when done without any conditions being met, allows the victim to disconnect from the wrong doer. Without forgiveness, one just holds in the resentment and anger. Expressing anger, just never seems to burn it off. How many of us who hold on to anger, ever really get rid of it, until we forgive? Isn't it true, that the anger just repeats over and over again - as though not satisfied? A murder goes to jail, instead of the death penalty, and the families of the victims feel there's no satisfaction. Yet those that truly forgive, and for the right reasons, find a release from the pain and agony.
One person in the documentary said, "I can't believe in a God that loves the criminal as much as the victim." I'm trying not to be judgmental. I mean, I have a terrible temper - I'm no saint of forgiveness myself, but when I heard that I thought - What limited thinking. That's a person who only see's life, as this flesh and blood body. They aren't looking at the eternal soul. Once, one meditates, and steps away from identifying with the body... even just conceptualizing that possibility, that they are not the body, one releases this old fashioned notion of revenge. Forgiveness is all too clear as the proper course of action.
I've also heard people attack the notion of Ahimsa or Non-Violence, as an invitation for others to harm us. But it's not so. As a Buddhist Monk I know would say: What if you came home to your house and you found your mother (that you love) in a altered state of mind, running mad with a knife stabbing people. Would your first reaction be to pick up a gun and kill her? Or would it be to attempt to subdue her first?
We would all try and subdue her. But when it comes to people we don't identify with, society often all too quickly rushes in to maim, torture or kill. If there's a solution without taking a life, why not first take that course of action?
If life is more than this meat body... if it is a spiritual experience in physical form, then each action we take has a consequence. If the action we take, is for revenge (no matter how much we justify it), then we simply are creating a future response of more problems. The pattern repeats and repeats itself.
In the documentary I was watching tonight, one guy who was a grief counselor stated: Well these people who forgive others - they still grieve. As though the forgiveness failed. Forgiving others doesn't necessarily mean you stop grieving. It does however mean, you move on. I've never seen someone who holds a grudge move on. How often they will open those old wounds and rekindle that burning fire deep down inside.
But to those that forgive others. To them, we see a radiance. A total change and transformation.
But true forgiveness is not something to be done because we are afraid God won't forgive us. Nor is it about forgiving if we get something from it (like repentance.) True forgiveness is free. The mind that only things of this world as the only world, can't comprehend it. It will war against forgiveness. It will make excuses to hold on to anger, hatred, violence, revenge. It will not understand, because to understand one must break free of the concept that this is all there is.
In this new year of 2012, I hope to see more forgiveness - in my own actions and in those around me. I tend to have a temper. I quickly get mad, but also forgive quickly. This new year, I want to transform my reactions, so that my anger doesn't rise to the top. That my desires diminish. That my state of emotion is more neutral and less dualistic, swinging to and fro.
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