Yesterday was a hard day for me.

It showed me where my weakness' lie.

At work, I've been working on a project that someone left when they quit. It's a huge monolithic project. I had only a couple days to test it... and it still isn't working right.

Evidently a bug was found... and I knew there would be bugs as it's just too much for any single person to test given this short time frame.

Someone on the team sent out an email to the highest authorities in the department, asking why I didn't catch this.

I went through emotions like:
Anger
Depression
Apathy

I was really bummed out. Mainly because I've given up weekends, lunch, peace of mind, to do what I could for this project - yet it evidently wasn't enough. I lost 4 lb's while working on this project due to stress and skipping meals.

Later, I got in a rage. I was so angry the more i thought about it.

I drove home to work from home that night, only to find my internet was out... so i drove back to work... only to find out nothing was ready for me to test.

I finally got home at 10:20pm.

I was not happy.

But there's a lesson here. I lost my center. I got caught in the branches. The real important things: God, my wife, my children, my health - were lost to the transitory things of: job, co-worker, emails, opinion.

This morning I meditated for only 10min and I felt a total release of this stress. But then as I drove to work, I started thinking about it again.

I started stressing myself out again.

The antidote is spirituality. So today i'm going to listen to some spiritual talks, from Anandaonlineclasses.org.

I'm going to do some Hong Sau breathing while at my desk...

I'm going to keep an affirmation in my mind:

What I give to others I give not away, for in my larger reality it remains ever mine. I am happy in the happiness of all!

My Impressions of Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath

I live near Culver City, CA. I also have been to Agape International Spiritual Center. It's a great place and I really enjoy the teachings of Michael Bernard Beckwith.

While unable to attend physically, I did attend virtually through the live stream. I paid the $10 and watched the movie, then later listened to Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath give Q&A and finally participated in the Satsang event where he would breath our breath.

Before I give my impressions, I would like to paraphrase something Ram Dass has said in the past:

Each person has their own Guru. A Guru for you, may not be for me and vice versa.

My Impressions:
The movie:
The movie was pretty interesting. It was interesting seeing him go all over India and see these different places and listen to him talk about his spiritual path and when he was introduced to Babaji.

However, people in the audience were mentioning "being someplace else" when the scene with the cave appeared in the movie. At least one person started with that, and others followed. I can't say I had any experience like that... I was a bit distracted during the film, but I didn't feel anything unusual or blissful.

Yogiraj Gurunath Siddhanath:
First he came up and did Q&A. He seems like a very nice person. The first question asked was a woman who is fighting for animal rights - and she wanted to know what she could do. His response to her was interesting. It was how I would have responded... basically he said something like:

Look it's fine you take care of animals and want them helped... but the most endangered and abused animal in the world is the human.

She probably didn't care for that answer... I dont know.. But I somewhat agree here. It seems, especially in L.A., people would rather care about a dog, then a homeless man. I guess the idea is: the dog is innocent, the homeless man is a product of his actions. But so too is the dog! At least in the traditions of the East with regard to Karma and Reincarnation. We ALL deserve love and we ALL should express love, to ALL.

However, as the other questions came in, my opinion was he wasn't answering them as a "Guru" (for me at least) but as a regular person. An example of this was a fellow who asked:

How can I get rid of my attachments and desires?

To which, and to my surprise, he espoused the same theology of Aliester Crowley: To embrace the passions. If wine is the vice, Drink Wine! Do this until you are sick of it. That was his answer. That was Crowley's answer.

I truly admire the work of Aliester Crowley, but I disagree in this hedonist philosophy that the way out is through experiencing all desires possible. Crowley spoke of it, as an ocean that one must fully experience to cross.

But what we know in the Bhagavad Gita, is that desires are endless! There's no way you can experience them all. True it is, you may get sick of alcohol after you loose your wife, children, friends and family... or you may get tired of drugs after you end up in jail... or you may get tired of sexual misconduct after your spouse divorces you.... But isn't there a better way?

Yes! there is. A better answer for this young man, would have been:
a) Meditate daily - this will help with will power.
b) Practice Hong-Sau
c) Transmute the energy in your particular desire to a different energy. Yogananda taught such techniques. They are too detailed to go into here... But I've touched on them throughout this blog. You can also find more information at: www.anandaonlineclasses.org
d) Learn to lower your likes and dislikes - till they are nullified. This is from the Gita Chapter 3:34. The teaching here is, you observe throughout your day and see the cycles of your moods... up and down you go. you hit a peak of positive mood and a few hours later a trough of negative moods. By going inside and letting the ups and downs go - you stabilize internally. Like the Trunk of a Tree - you stop living on the edge of the branches. The techniques for this are taught in the "Inner Peace" course at www.anandaonlineclasses.org

One could argue, that the person who asked this particular question needed this answer. Very true... possibly. But, when the answer was given in an open forum, it became an answer for all of us.

What bothered me the most, was everyone cheering when he described embracing your passions and fulfilling them to the full. That's the ego cheering.

The Mystical Satsang:
This is the part where he would breathe our breath. I was fully aware. I was focused. I wanted to give this a good shot. Granted - I was watching live from home... but nothing happened for me.

Most people in the audience (he said about 90% raised their hands saying they felt him breathing their breath) felt he breathed their breath. So they did feel something. Or they thought they did. But I'll believe they did honestly feel something.

Kriya Yoga Empowerment:
He is in Culver City today at the Masonic Lodge, giving a Kriya Yoga Empowerment/Initiation. There is a cost involved I believe, but it's not too expensive. I think around $108 or something.

Conclusion:
I'm VERY glad I saw the Satsang. I'm glad I saw him. Do I now believe he is my Guru? No. It helped me make a decision. From my perspective and my karma, I just saw a regular Yogi (not a Guru.) People are devoted and moved by him and evidently he is their Guru. I'm very happy to see people finding God through him.

My decision is to experience Paramhansa Yogananda as my guru. He's no longer in body form. But is reachable through meditation.

One thing I kept in mind was: If I were to follow this path, would I find his teachings with me daily to guide and help me. For me, no. He does have a Youtube channel. But that isn't the same thing as actual classes to overcome attachment/desires. For that, I'm choosing Ananda Online. It could be something else, for others. The Raja or Royal Yoga is more then just doing a breathing practice. It's also learning wisdom. Yogiraj is only in the area a few months out of each year. There's no official learning system through his disciples that I'm aware of. So - for me, I need more hand holding. I need a class/course that says "here's the way to overcome anger..." "here's the way to get past your attachments..." I could have gone with SRF, but I choose Ananda. What ever our decisions, they are our decisions we need to make along the path.

I want to make it clear, I do not think anyone who chooses Yogiraj is making a mistake. Each of us make our decisions that are required at each moment. His followers are right were they need to be... as are YOU, as is ME.

Art & Creativity

I've also included this on a new blog of mine (Tao of Art): taoofart.blogspot.com

Last night I listened to a lecture from Ananda on Creativity from a Spiritual perspective.

It was very interesting. I began to see my own problems with art. Sometimes my art takes over. It makes me forget my family… my spiritual path, meditation, and so much more. The art becomes the biggest aspect of my life… when it certainly isn’t.

What I learned in the live lecture – was that it is the lack of being centered and lack of Joy. What’s going on, is that my desires are for the acceptance of others. When that becomes the goal of the art – the art distorts into a monolith of focus. Everything else begins to shadow in comparison.

Staying centered, in the moment is the way to real creativity.

I asked how I could get joy to overcome my problems with wanting to be accepted by others. The answer I was given came down to:

Be in the moment – we create in the moment. When we think “my public will like this,” or “this will impress others…” we have lost the moment. We are thinking of the future. That future focus, can flip a person into obsession.

Joy is the essence of creativity. We can cultivate joy by focusing on the moment. Being at our heart center. Try focusing on the heart, or Ajna chakra when doing something artistic.

Energy – “you don’t have to create energy, it’s already there – just remove the blocks to it.”
To remove the blocks to energy:
Have the right attitude
Overcome Laziness
Practice Meditation
Remove all people, places, things that take away from our full potential… from books, music, movies to people… be surrounded instead, by the things that do not limit our potential.

Desire for Art...

My birthday is coming up...

I've been sitting around playing with some 3D art tools - one of which is quite expensive. It's $699.

I "could" buy it, but should I? I'm not a professional artist. It's more of a hobby, I hope to turn into extra income. But I don't get paid for art - except small amounts of money for stock art.

I was reading "The Essential Bhagavad Gita" at lunch today and I came to the commentary on 3:35 -
Ask yourself inwardly, 'Will I feel freedom in this contemplated enjoyment? will I feel freedom in this desired love?'

The point there is will this gift to myself make me feel "free" or make me a victim of my desire to own this product?

Many times I find that my art is desire driven. I have a desire to be liked and respected by others and I try to create that by creating art. But it's all poor motivation.

I have also found myself so wrapped up in my art, I forget my wife, I forget to eat... That's not balanced.

Going back to previous verse - 3:34

Attraction and repulsion (regarding) sense objects belong to the natural ebb and flow of duality. Beware equally of them both, for they are man's greatest enemies!

The commentary on that verse is specific and shows the error with extreme like and dislike. I feel it's very difficult to admit this... but admit it I will - I feel it is an extreme 'like' on my part, with regards to my art.

A good feeling should come from the inward, spiritual heart. I'm not sure mine does.

Sharing

Sharing
True happiness is found not in possessions, but in sharing what one has with
others. Thus is one’s self-identity expanded, as he learns to live in, and
enjoy, a greater reality.

People who gladly share with others feel themselves bathed by a constant,
inner stream of happiness.

Sharing is the doorway through which the soul escapes the prison of selfpreoccupation.

It is one of the clearest paths to God.

Affirmation
What I give to others I give not away, for in my larger reality it remains ever
mine. I am happy in the happiness of all!

Prayer
O Infinite Giver, teach me to find happiness through others.


From Swami Kriyananda’s Affirmations for Self-Healing
Crystal Clarity Publishers

Hong Sau: to destress

What Hong Sau is:
I learned about this breathing technique from www.Ananda.org and www.anandaonlineclasses.org (the meditation class offered goes into detail on it's use.) There are also some books that discuss it, like "How to Have Courage Calmness and Confidence." Which details the technique towards the end.

It was Yogananda who taught the technique in that book. It's a simple technique of inhaling and exhaling naturally through the nose. On the inhale you mentally say "hong" and on the exhale you mentally say "sau" (sounds like saw.)

While doing this, you put your attention at the opening of the nostrils. AFter awhile, you move your attention up the nasal caveity to where it connects with the brow. Feel the air movement while you mentally chang hong sau on inhales and exhales.

After awhile you migrate the attention to the spot between the eyebrows (Ajna Chakra or "3rd Eye") and continue the mental chant and focus. If attention wonders just bring it back.

I've started doing Hong Sau throughout the day.

I had a rough week at work and one day, I went outside and sat somewhere quiet and used the technique to slow the heart, remove the stress... and just get back to a peaceful center.

I was reading in "How to have Courage, Calmness and Confidence" yesterday:

When you act in the world forgetting God, you have changed your center from God to matter. This material nature will throw you into the whirlpool of change and will stifle you with worries and sorrows. Revert to your own true nature. Change your center from material desires to desire for God. pg 134.

Hong Sau allowed me to recenter. It really helped put things into perspective.

EVERY day is a good day, because...

Every day is a good day, because in every day we see God. He is in everything. We either learn or are blessed. But in all we grow. In this there is God. So be happy and rejoice - no matter what happens today - God is here.

Today I center, and Turn it Over to You.

Since my manager has been out, I've been filling in for him. It's been tough.

I'm basically managing work for the equivalent of 3 teams. I have my work, the work he would normally do, handling emergencies and being handed the work of a co-worker who is quitting.

I was worried about last week... but it turns out last week wasn't that bad. But you know why it wasn't? I turned it over to God. I simply prayed each day "God this is your deal. You own this job. You put me here. I've done all I can, I ask for your help."

This week, I thought it started progressively worse. But it really didn't. What changed was my perspective. I was trying to do "more of it" myself. But now I'm taking the prayer up:

God this is your deal. This is your job. You own everything. I am your child and own all this through You. As You are the Doer, I ask You to make this week work out well. I have done all I can.

Be calm. Remember this is a test.

ONLY A TEST.

A test of what?

A test for us. To be better. find our weakness' and work them out. To become perfected through the countless aeon's. This is our test.

Look upon all things cheerfully and with courage, that's the way out of the situation. The harder it is to do that, means the more we must rely on our greater source of power - The Divine.

So yes, I was stressed... I felt anger, stress, frustration. At 11am today I wrote a friend and told them I was upset with the chaos of my situation. He was going through something similar.

I went to lunch and read through a chapter of "How to Have Courage, Calmness and Confidence" - and I drew my energy up to the Ajna chakra. Then I felt bliss... and peace.

Now I am at peace... internal peace. Joy of the soul... which is unfettered by karma and the law of return.