Devotion Problems

I was reading:
http://ananda.it/en/article/secret-devotion

It's a great read.  What I took out of it, was that there's one thing a spiritual seeker must not loose, and that's devotion.  Here's an excerpt:

Jesus said that when salt loses its taste it can no longer flavor anything. When the devotee loses devotion, who can give it back to him? Once Yogananda told me, “You will be fine, but don’t lose devotion.” It is the only important thing. Don’t worry about your weaknesses – everyone has them, otherwise they would not be here on earth – but don’t lose your devotion.

What I feel bad about, is that I always loose devotion.   Each path I picked I've walked out of a year later, or I become lazy about it... and preoccupy myself with material matters.

I'm not actually sure how to maintain Devotion.  At some point in my path, for one reason or another (stress, being busy, material obsession) I stop meditating, stop practicing... Or, I say, "You know I don't feel this is working, I better try something else."

I've been thinking about it a lot and I dont know why I have this problem.

I was raised in Christianity.  I didn't have a choice there. I thought it was the only path.  When I sought a solution to anger, I couldn't find it there, so I branched out to Buddhism... still holding on to Christianity, but taking on Buddhist methods. 

I left Buddhism, after it felt like a grind.  I was driving 2-3 hours each way to do the Buddhist thing.  I kept it up for a year, when it had it's "newness."  When the newness wore off, I started to find reasons to exit.  I saw arrogance, ego, fundamentalism (i.e. "Other Buddhists are wrong, our way is the right way...")  and a lack of concern for others... when the Tsunami occurred people organized food drives, and the Lama told us that our efforts were in vain, as we can't help people here in this world. if we could, then the Buddha would do it for us.  So therefore why help others, unless you do it with the intention of resolving your own karma.

I tried other Buddhist centers, but they told me that sooner or later I'd have to drop the concept of God.  I didn't like that as I believed in God, yet saw real value in Buddhism.

I moved from Buddhism to join the Golden Dawn. They had a concept of God, but lacked the useful methodologies of Buddhism... and their meditation practices in the Golden Dawn were weak.  They didn't have any real concrete form of meditation.  People were ego maniacs and I saw little spiritual gain.  Siddhi's and powers, yes they had... but no gain over emotion, anger, or finding a relationship with God.  My decision to leave was during a time of stress for me. I was doing work for the G.D. and my fiance didn't care for the time i put into it... along with the G.D. members starting to talk down to me or talk to me in anger.

I left the G.D. to self teachings of the occult mysteries... only to feel again, I wasn't gaining or growing spiritually.

I shifted to Scientology - that started well with Dianetic auditing... but once they started the money calls... i left. 

I moved back to self  teachings... and became soon after joined Free Masonry... which offered little more then a social club... then tried the Kabbalah Center... but left that within a year.  My feelings on Kabbalah was that again, I felt this agressive attitude from certain people and it turned me off.

At this point, I drifted into Self Study of Eastern Philosophy... such as Eckert Tolle, Ram Dass, and Michael Bernard Beckwith (Religious Science.)  I wanted to belong... Beckwith's group Agape, was huge... and expensive... so I didn't stick.  Then through Beckwith's books, I found a mention of Yogananda... and somehow came to Kriya.

I wanted to discover this Kriya Yoga, and found Ananda.

Ananda has been one of the most solid spiritual organizations I've ever spent time with.  They are great people, positive and peaceful.  I don't agree with everything Kriyananda believed, but I respect his work very much.

But after 1.5 years, I began to slip on Ananda's teachings... I was hard core up till about mid of last year.  I got busy with life... when my son was born a couple  years ago, I slipped up on meditation... then later I slipped up when i was looking to make a carrier change. 

But now I'm in a stable job... but I find it so hard to focus on the spiritual path.  I know there are stressors in my life... my wife's immigration issues, my son needs to be watched constantly, money is tight... and I'm paying too much to the Fed Income Tax...

My diet is terrible. I have migraines, and I'm tired all the time.  The only time I meditate is in the morning... maybe I get 30min in... but I don't do the evening meditations, because I'm drained by then.  I come home to either cook dinner, watch my son, or just watch TV.

Lately I've felt that I really am not fitting in with the people at Ananda, although I love the teachings quite a bit... and I've started self study of Katsuki Sekida's Zen work...  Those 30min morning meditations are straight Sekida Zen style meditation.  I'm not doing Hong Sau, Om, or other practices.

So why am I like this?  Why am I creating these barriers to the spiritual path?  I feel like I'm destined to be a devotion failure.