Serving the Golden Dawn: My Ego

Many years ago – around 2005 or 2006, I had joined a group of spiritualists who followed a Western Form of Mysticism. This type of mystical system is often called the “Western Mysteries.” This particular group was a modern day version of the older “Golden Dawn.” These people called themselves the Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn.

Early on, I was very engaged with the study material. I had some amazing results. Some amazing things occurred and happened. I became a very attentive student. Attending each class and lesson. Then, one day, I was asked if I’d like to become an officer of the temple.

Becoming an officer is a great honor, so I gladly accepted with some questions. I had asked how hard it would be… and I was told it’s pretty much what I’m doing now (serving in the temple), so I was fine with it.

After becoming a temple officer of the Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn, I was promptly given instructions. I was told to do various things… I was given chores. Each time before a ceremony, I would work with other officers to clean the floors, ceilings, toilet, sink, wash the walls, clean the windows. I was someone dumbfounded. I thought to myself, “I came here for spiritual work, not chores!”

I had complained about this, and the leader of this particular temple said to me, “I’m sorry but this is required for the office. Please hang in there, as it’s a great reward at the end.”

What I began to do, is look at the long time members. I began to judge them. I said to myself, “Look at them. They all live broken lives. One man has no house and lives most of his days and nights at the temple. Another has nothing but broken relationships with women. Another has broken a vow with her fiancé…” I went on and on and said, “well if they got this as their reward for faithful service, and considering how painful these chores are for me to do… this isn’t for me.”

There were perhaps other reasons I walked away. But I can’t turn a blind eye that this was a big reason for my walking out. I often felt like a servant. Even a slave. I volunteered my time… sometimes was treated with content by others, bossed around and did chores I hated. Sometimes I was the only one doing the chores. It really burned me. I repeated to myself that I came here to learn spiritual lessons, not how to wash a wall.

What I didn’t realize, till now, is that those were spiritual lessons.

I happened to read a book called, “Living with the Himalayan Masters,” within one of the chapters (one regarding Ego) the author writes:
“The master said, ‘You should know the role of a student as well as the role of a master.’
“The man asked, ‘Sir, what are the duties of a student?’
“The master explained, ‘A student cleans, serves, washes dishes, cooks food, prepares and purifies himself, and serves his master.’
“Then the man asked, ‘And what does a master do, sir?’
“’A master teaches – he doesn’t do any of the menial work.’
“’Why can’t I become a master without doing all of this?’ asked the man. ‘The menial work has nothing to do with my learning how to teach.’
“The master said, ‘No, you will be hurting yourself and hurting others. You have to understand from the very beginning that the spiritual path can tolerate everything but ego.’”

Now, many years later… I understand and regret my decision. I was a victim of Ego. My Ego prevented me from doing the “chores” and wanting the “spiritual” nectar of meditation, ritual, ceremony and the results thereof. I didn’t like being bossed around, treated like a servant and told to do things (like clean the toilet.)

So strong was my resentment that one time, the leader of our temple, came into the temple room proper before a ceremony… and he said, “Oh my someone here has a lot of anger.” He felt my rage. My resentment. While I smiled and bowed my head and thought I covered my feelings – they were strong to him. He was very gifted.

But what I didn’t get, even while studying the necessity of removing the ego, these past few years, I now see my reasons for leaving the Golden Dawn where all related to Ego.

Today it’s not so easy to go and be a servant. I’m not a husband, and father to be. I don’t have the time I had back then. In my youth I squandered a great gift, of serving a Temple. Let that be a lesson to others, don’t miss out on your opportunities to serve your spiritual communities.