Today, on a break, I walked to a window in a small kitchen in the office I work in. I stood there, with a cup of coffee, staring out at the trees outside. Where once I saw a bird that flew to me.

This time I noticed the trees were blowing somewhat violently in the wind. It was such a contrast to the stillness in the kitchen. Then I thought about Yogananda. I stood there for a few moments and had a realization:

What causes me to be safe and still, from the wind blowing the trees? The wall, the windows, the building. It's an allegory for the internal problem. Internal gusts could be likened to Desire. To remain untouched from desire, one must be in a proverbial building. The internal building could be will, it could be practice (meditation) and it can also be Love for Others (service, helping, loving others.)

With those elements in place, one would be untouched from the gusts and winds of Desire.

Lifetrons

What are lifetrons?

Yogananda mentions them in his Diary of a Yogi. But what are they?

I was reading his massive work, "The Second Coming of Christ: The resurrection of the Christ within you," he gives a brief definition:

on page 14 of Volume 1, he says that "These causal ideas emit a magnetic force of light and intelligent energy, which I have called lifetrons, that form the astral body of man."

Meditation Exercise on cutting Attachments and Desires

Meditation Exercise from Ananda's Online Course on Inner Peace:

"Experiential Exercise
Mentally review your heart every night. Polish it and see it glow with golden energy.
With a laser beam of light cut the cords of any attachments you see connected to your
heart. You are cutting the attachment but not the love you feel in your heart. Rather, you are freeing yourself to love the object of your attachment unconditionally. Make a mental bonfire, and cast into it any unwanted desires along with the bonds of your attachments.

Burn them up and watch them disappear."

Handling Desires

From the material on Desire in the Ananda Online Class: Inner Peace -

"When desires plague you it’s good to immediately short-circuit them. As soon as you
become aware that you’re starting to wish for something, that there is a longing feeling in your mind, mentally cut the energy off from it, and turn your mind in a different, positive direction. Do this by thinking of all you already have that makes you happy. It may also help to take a few deep breaths and visualize your exhalations carrying away the desire.

Affirm contentment. Look up the affirmation on Contentment in Prayers and
Affirmations for Self Healing, one of the companion books to this course. Repeat the
affirmation often.

Desires are energy. It’s important to positively channel our energy, not suppress it. Therefore when you have a strong longing that stays with you, transmute and expand it beyond your own self. Fulfill the desire by doing something that will also benefit others."

Realizations

I realized this morning several things...

First - Meditation is an important attribute. My goal is to meditate 2 times a day, at least 15 min each time. With one long meditation 45min-1hr a week. I don't always do this. but it's my goal.

Second - As great as meditation is, it's a tool to do my personal Sadhana in the world. How I relate to my wife, my boss, my work, my finances... this is my personal Sadhana. Without this realization, I do the meditation work thinking it's the only Sadhana... and then get angry when the Meditation is threatened with work, or duties to the family, etc. But Meditation is the tool to do the work of living spiritually in this world.

Third - Today I let my wife cut my hair. at the end, I said "thank you" for cutting hair... she said, "thank you for letting me cut it." That's the right attitude I must have in the world around me. I should be thankful of my service to those around me.

Fourth - I gossip. I get angry. I get frustrated. I get stressed. This is my problems. I need to overcome these. I'm tired of talking about others, to get energy off it. I do it almost every day.

Fifth - I must continue to tithe and TRUST in God to meet all my needs.

Falling through water

Tonight in meditation, I had a realization.

if one were to wade into a pond... and their mind is on "fun" or all the external stimuli... and the next step is a hole in the pond... they'll slip under with a gulp of water.

But if one remains aware of each step... focused on the moment, then when they slip they can catch a gulp of air before going under.

This is a lesson on anger and loosing control

My Mistakes: Anger

I lost my temper tonight.

I know exactly how it happened. I was driving home and thinking about someone who frustrated me today. My mind wouldn't let go. At first it was comical thinking of this person frustrating me. But as I dwelt on it more and more, my mind grew more egotistical. More frustrated. More pissed off. By the time I was home I was in a mood.

I hid my mood and pushed it down, rather then handling it.

As I came in the door, my wife noticed I bought her pizza, but ordered the wrong type. She let me know she wasn't happy. At first I held my tongue and thought "ah! a test. I will remain calm." Then a few min later, I burned the pizza by accident. She again corrected me, but this time I lost my temper. I told her in anger that I wasn't pleased (in various words.)

My fault started with ego - talking/thinking of others as less then me...

Praying for a Bird... and it responds!

Today I was at work. Took a break. Walked to one of our kitchen areas and got a cup of coffee. I walked to a window that looks out to the backside of the building and looked into the tree's outside. I saw a tiny little bird with something small in it's beak. Further out I saw a janitorial worker taking trash out of a trashcan.

It hit me that we all are so similar. Here I was, the man and the bird - all working for our livelihood. I began to pray for a blessing upon the bird and upon the man. As I silently prayed for the bird - it did the most unusual thing!

It flew to the ledge where the windows was I'm looking out of. There are 4 or so large windows here, so the fact it flew to where I was was odd to me. It then proceeded to watch me with his eye... and fly up a little bit and gently peck at the glass between us. He watched my hand movements as i put the coffee down and just stood there with me - until another bird flew in.

I found it quite fascinating. I wonder if animals pick up on prayer or positive energy?

Return on the Tithe (Edwena Gaines Teachings)

This may be hard for some to believe. But it's certainly true.

This past Sunday, I listened to a lecture and workshop from Edwena Gaines at Agape Spiritual Center in Culver City, CA.

She was talking about some teachings on getting some prosperity in our lives.

The first thing she mentioned was Tithing. Giving back 10%. Dedicating it back to our spiritual source(s).

I decided to give 10% to two sources: Agape, and Ananda.

It was a tough choices, like many, I just got paid on Friday and I have bills to pay. Almost all my money is accounted for... so it's not an easy choice to give 10% of my paycheck.

But she said, she quoted this part of Malachi that says "Put me to the test..." meaning put God to the test to take care of you... and bless you.

But let me tell you what happened today. I got to work, and went through the day. About 2:30pm, my manager asked if he could meet with me earlier then our scheduled meeting. I agreed... and felt something was up. His boss, came up to me and asked if I talked with my manager yet... I hadn't, and that got me slightly concerned.

The manager took me outside and sat down with me. He handed me a letter and in it, I was given a significant raise.

Was it coincidence? I don't believe so. I believe it was the result of a past action (Karma.) The Tithe.

Why did it happen so quickly? I dont know. When I studied with a Buddhist Lama, he said that Karma returns quickly to those who study, meditate and "know" about Karma. Maybe that's why. I dont know.

All I know is, I'm blessed, and today I've thought "my steps are ordered by God." I believe that.

Sri Anandamayi Ma Quote

"Who is it that loves and who that suffers? He alone stages a play with Himself.
The individual suffers because he perceives duality. Find the One everywhere and in
everything and there will be an end to pain and suffering." —Sri Anandamayi Ma

Edwene Gaines Workshop Recording (Via Agape)

Edwene Gaines' Workshop at Agape

Today I listened to a very good presentation on prosperity, by Edwene Gaines. I've linked to her book, below. What she covered were four laws that she believes are required to attaining something:
I. Tithing
II. Forgiveness
III. Set Goals
IV. Divine Purpose

Regarding Tithing, she spoke to giving the traditional 10% to wherever our spiritual source is coming from. Be it one group or more than one. She separates tithing from charity. She separates tithing from time giving. What she teaches is very difficult.

Someone in the audience asked "why 10%? what's so special with that number?" she didn't have a specific answer. But she did point to where it first came up in the Bible. In Kabbalah (via the Kabbalah Center) they have a specific answer. The Kabbalah Center teaches that in the tree of life concept - you have 10 sepherot, or planes of existence. The lowest plane is the Physical plane. This 1/10th of creation is given back in the Tithe, and is sacrified, to become Holy and Purified.


Regarding Goals, she listed 10 things to assist with this:
1. write down 'fun' things you'd like to do
2. Choose 12 or so goals that are my goals - make them very specific (i.e. i want a 2007 ford torus)
3. be open and receptive to change. pray daily 'what must i change in myself so that i can achieve my goals.'
4. Determine the date you need to achieve these goals. set the date to make the time you need for change you need to do to achieve your goal.
*if the goal isn't met by deadline, go back to step 3, adn make sure you did what you need to do. look into seeing what you'd need to change.*
5. Read these goals every day
6. visualize these goals every day (see yourself in the goal)
7. accept your success now. act as if you have already achieved it. take positive action in faith towards your goals. (i.e. if you want to go to europe, you could get your passport, get luggage, etc.)
8. Keep your goals private (unless you work with a support group)
9. Cross off your goals as they manifest and add new ones.
10. love - love yourself

I also noticed she has several audio works on iTunes.

But the book can be purchased via the link:

About Material Concerns and Worries

The other day, I heard something disturbing at where I work. I talked to a co-worker of mine (Vijay) and I mentioned my concern. He gave me pearls of wisdom:
“Don’t worry. Whatever happens Brian is here.”

It’s funny. But then, if you think about it, it’s profound. Whatever happens Brian is HERE. NOW. Don’t think about the past or future. I am HERE.

How cool is that?

Thanks Vijay!

Serving the Golden Dawn: My Ego

Many years ago – around 2005 or 2006, I had joined a group of spiritualists who followed a Western Form of Mysticism. This type of mystical system is often called the “Western Mysteries.” This particular group was a modern day version of the older “Golden Dawn.” These people called themselves the Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn.

Early on, I was very engaged with the study material. I had some amazing results. Some amazing things occurred and happened. I became a very attentive student. Attending each class and lesson. Then, one day, I was asked if I’d like to become an officer of the temple.

Becoming an officer is a great honor, so I gladly accepted with some questions. I had asked how hard it would be… and I was told it’s pretty much what I’m doing now (serving in the temple), so I was fine with it.

After becoming a temple officer of the Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn, I was promptly given instructions. I was told to do various things… I was given chores. Each time before a ceremony, I would work with other officers to clean the floors, ceilings, toilet, sink, wash the walls, clean the windows. I was someone dumbfounded. I thought to myself, “I came here for spiritual work, not chores!”

I had complained about this, and the leader of this particular temple said to me, “I’m sorry but this is required for the office. Please hang in there, as it’s a great reward at the end.”

What I began to do, is look at the long time members. I began to judge them. I said to myself, “Look at them. They all live broken lives. One man has no house and lives most of his days and nights at the temple. Another has nothing but broken relationships with women. Another has broken a vow with her fiancé…” I went on and on and said, “well if they got this as their reward for faithful service, and considering how painful these chores are for me to do… this isn’t for me.”

There were perhaps other reasons I walked away. But I can’t turn a blind eye that this was a big reason for my walking out. I often felt like a servant. Even a slave. I volunteered my time… sometimes was treated with content by others, bossed around and did chores I hated. Sometimes I was the only one doing the chores. It really burned me. I repeated to myself that I came here to learn spiritual lessons, not how to wash a wall.

What I didn’t realize, till now, is that those were spiritual lessons.

I happened to read a book called, “Living with the Himalayan Masters,” within one of the chapters (one regarding Ego) the author writes:
“The master said, ‘You should know the role of a student as well as the role of a master.’
“The man asked, ‘Sir, what are the duties of a student?’
“The master explained, ‘A student cleans, serves, washes dishes, cooks food, prepares and purifies himself, and serves his master.’
“Then the man asked, ‘And what does a master do, sir?’
“’A master teaches – he doesn’t do any of the menial work.’
“’Why can’t I become a master without doing all of this?’ asked the man. ‘The menial work has nothing to do with my learning how to teach.’
“The master said, ‘No, you will be hurting yourself and hurting others. You have to understand from the very beginning that the spiritual path can tolerate everything but ego.’”

Now, many years later… I understand and regret my decision. I was a victim of Ego. My Ego prevented me from doing the “chores” and wanting the “spiritual” nectar of meditation, ritual, ceremony and the results thereof. I didn’t like being bossed around, treated like a servant and told to do things (like clean the toilet.)

So strong was my resentment that one time, the leader of our temple, came into the temple room proper before a ceremony… and he said, “Oh my someone here has a lot of anger.” He felt my rage. My resentment. While I smiled and bowed my head and thought I covered my feelings – they were strong to him. He was very gifted.

But what I didn’t get, even while studying the necessity of removing the ego, these past few years, I now see my reasons for leaving the Golden Dawn where all related to Ego.

Today it’s not so easy to go and be a servant. I’m not a husband, and father to be. I don’t have the time I had back then. In my youth I squandered a great gift, of serving a Temple. Let that be a lesson to others, don’t miss out on your opportunities to serve your spiritual communities.

Ananda: Karma is an Expression of Divine Love

Nayaswamis Bharat and Anandi from Ananda (A Yogananda based spiritual center, which can be found at www.ananda.org) provided a meditation/visualization to help deal with hard situations. Below is Nayaswamis Bharat and Anandi's meditation/visualization - more can be found at www.ananda.org:

"Karma is an expression of divine love.

Everything that comes to us is made especially for us by God—to free us from all limitation.

Visualize God as the Divine Mother, standing before you.
(You can visualize Yogananda or another saint if you prefer.)

See Her eyes gazing deeply into your own, filling you with Her love.
Know that She is with you, always.

Think now of a karma that is challenging for you.

See Divine Mother holding before you this karmic test. See Her smile as she reaches out and offers this test to you with loving kindness.
Reach out your arms and take hold of this karma.
Bring this karmic challenge into your heart.

Accept this precious gift—sent from the Wisdom of the Universe.
Know that it is a perfect gift, sent by Divine Mother, to help your soul become free.

In your heart embrace this karmic test fully, with gratitude and trust.
This karma can help you raise your energy level and consciousness to where your Godly nature resides.

Focus now at the point between the eyebrows.
See yourself rising to meet this karmic test and transcending its limitations.

See yourself becoming free in God.
Feel the bliss of being united with Spirit."

Excerpt from "The Essence of the Bhagavad Gita"

Page 163, "To drive a dark mood out of the mind, for example, try this simple method: Focus your energy and attention strongly at the point between the eyebrows. The magnetism you generate there will life you out of the fogs of gloom to a higher, more spiritual atmosphere where peace, joy and complete acceptance reign.
Again, if sex temptation assails you, bring the energy up from the lower chakras (especially from the swadisthana, or sacral) to the heart by breathing deeply a few times. Then sit still, as has been suggested above, and focus deeply on the Kutastha between the eyebrows."

Expanding or Contracting desire

I was listening to Swami Kriyananda tonight. He was talking about desire. He made an interesting point that got me thinking. He said that a desire to do something that has a root motivator of expanding ourselves (meaning to share or uplift others) then it's a good thing. But when we have desires to benefit ourselves, our ego, then it's not a positive thing.

The example he gave was wanting more money to share with others vs. wanting more money to be a selfish hoarder of possessions and wealth.

After listening to this I thought about my artwork. I've been so into my artwork. I've used tools to do this work, but for what reason? to share with others? To uplift others? No. My deep root motivation was in the attention I can get from others. That's ego. My desire was wrong.

I need to transfer my art to something that is a shareable aspect. Something that gives back to others.

All my desires should be towards that end - uplifting others.

Present moment lost, anger ensues

I got angry at my wife tonight. I was cooking dinner and she had taken away all the oven mitts. So I couldn't take the food out of the oven and it started to over cook. I got upset with her.

But really, I was locked into the immediate past. If I stayed in the present moment, I would have realized I was not able to pull this out of the oven. I would have stayed in the moment and gotten an alternative to the oven mitts. But, I failed. I got caught in the past... I wanted my wife to hear me repeat over and over how we need to have oven mitts in the kitchen.

The lesson here tonight was: Stay in the moment. Don't get wrapped up in judgement, or the past.